As the fight for Marriage Equality continues — now with the U.S. State of Alabama grabbing headlines for the insolence of Justice Roy Moore — and the Supreme Court having announced that they will hear arguments regarding cases overseen by the 6th Circuit Court of the United States I’ve been contemplating how this all came about. There have been several groups working tireless for decades to see equal rights extended to all people within the United States that do not hold to the hetero-normative standards; without the efforts of groups like The Gay and Lesbian Advocates and Defenders helping make the U.S. State of Massachusetts the first U.S. state and only the sixth jurisdiction globally to recognize the basic human right of marriage for same-sex couple we would not be living in an age in which acceptance and recognition of same-sex couples’ rights has expanded exponentially. And yes, while the decisions within the courts — and the rare legislative motion — have been the means through which the official recognition of same-sex marriage has come to pass, the driving force behind the rising levels of acceptance has not been driven from exclamations from on high but rather by changing the thoughts and attitudes of the general populace. For this I believe we have these most visible people for their bold, fearless leadership in driving forward proper equality for all within the LGBTQ community.
I came home feeling like a mess. Everything in my body either hurt or wanted to fall apart or both. If it didn’t, it was looking at the surrounding parts and giving up all hope. Normally these overnight shifts don’t tear me up too badly — I’ve had over a year to acclimate after all, and I know how to better pace myself now — but there was something about the night that just wore on me more and more. I read through my entire blogroll twice, commented here and there, and was genuinely happy for every single one of you having good experiences. Really, all of you are amazing, and I love it when good things happen. You’re all incredibly deserving. But no matter how much good and happy and positive I put out, I didn’t feel any of it coming back to me. My body was rebelling.
I’m still not sure how I made it home and up the stairs. I know I stopped for a gallon of milk — we were out — and food for Mrs. AP because she made a simple comment about being hungry and I don’t have it in me to leave her wanting. I know I came in, I know I put the milk away, and I know I was stripping off the uniform from work almost before I was in the bedroom and giving Mrs. AP her food and her kiss. I maintained enough cognitive recognition to know I did these things and didn’t fall apart, but as soon as I hit that bed I knew I wasn’t getting back up. So what did my ever loving, ever caring, ever wonderful of a Lover and a Partner in Mrs. AP do?
SINful friends, I had a different post entirely lined up for you today, in which I was going to issue my views on a subject that’s been running amok in the news and among bloggers everywhere the past few weeks. I had the first few paragraphs written, I had links lined up, and I was starting to get on a roll in my diatribe. It was becoming incendiary. My page views would have lit up, I’m sure, and many who would never find me otherwise would have stumbled here, likely to leave and never return. Halfway through the writing I realized that I couldn’t post it. It was too negative, too inciting, too destructive. It dawned on me in that moment that I cannot push such negativity forward. No, friends, I have a different responsibility here. In fact, I have several.
I’ve not touched on Polyamory in my life here on the blog a great deal lately. It’s been over a month since I posted about realizing that a part of me wants the idealized Poly unit. At the time I was perfectly sincere, but I was missing a key component that has been preventing — and in fact, destroyed chances — for me to realize that dream. As it turns out, I’ve not been as ready for a truly Polyamorous lifestyle as I thought I was. I did not properly prepare myself, nor did I seek out the advice of those who have been Poly for years or decades. My own ignorance and inability to see beyond myself failed me and my partners. I failed Mrs. AbsinthePassion, while simultaneously being exactly what I thought she needed. Things I said and did were wrong, flat out, and here now is my confession.
As I’ve mentioned in my last few posts, I’ve gone from being in a bit of slump to realizing that I was losing focus on my core self while also gaining a better understanding of one of my kinks. As weeks go, that’s a broad spectrum to cover, and no journey so diverse would be complete without some introspection and self-discovery. Enlightenment isn’t quite the correct term, as I still feel very much the philosophical and introspective novice, but some of my realizations have been enlightening. My goal now is to take some of these new understandings and put them into proper practice.
Human beings are constructed to be social animals. We saw it in the tribes of old during the early years of Homo Erectus and Homo Sapiens, we saw it in the construction of ancient and medieval towns and cities, and we see it today in the increasing focus of population within large metropolitan areas. As socially constructed animals, we long to be not only near other people but also to be perceived as fitting within the socially accepted norm of those people. There are, as with any rule, exceptions to this rule, but even among those who run counter to accepted norms there is typically a theme of independence present — those with large amounts of sustainable wealth or those who support themselves via artistic talent maintain the ability to create a self-norm that is eventually accepted by the public at large as normal for that person, to the point where deviating from that created norm to the conventional public norm is then deemed impermissible. But what of us in the middle of the spectrum, who work 40 hour work weeks earning middle class incomes who don’t fit the traditionally assigned normative roles? What behavior patterns do we assume so as to not expose ourselves to inordinate risk?
Back with another one of those block rocking, err, 30 days of Truth entries! Sorry, had a little Chemical Brothers moment there. Anyway, on with the show!
Your views on drugs and alcohol.