Like many other of the other wonderful bloggers I know — take a moment to check my blogroll to the right for some fine examples — I get a sense of amusement from some of the various search terms that result in somebody new stumbling across my little corner of the internet. One that stands out as particularly amusing was “husband says absinthe makes his dick hard”. What’s not to love about that? This morning, however, I saw a search term appear that got me thinking about just how much people can manage to hold themselves back — or not — on the spectrum that encompasses the swinger and polyamorous couples. This search term was “fall in love swinger become exclusive poly with one couple”.
There are many ways to read this term, in large part due to the lack of punctuation. Was the person searching attempting to find a swinger with whom to fall in love and then, with that person, become polyfidelitous with another swinging couple? Was this person perhaps already a swinger and was looking to find information on the ways to or likelihood of entering into a poly relationship with another couple? Could this person perhaps be a single swinger and is looking to join a poly couple in a triad?
Thinking on these possibilities made me realize something that’s hovered around the edges of my consciousness for sometime; something with which I have, at times, struggled. This something is a prevalent trend among those who write from within the swinger community, and one that I suspect has arisen from some improper assumptions. I suspect this because I have been guilty of it, and because of it I inadvertently derailed what could have become a very good thing. This something, this “it”, is the fear of oneself or one’s partner falling in love with somebody else.
When it comes to playing in The Lifestyle — and I don’t care if that’s Poly, Swinger, BDSM, Kink, or whatever other non-mainstream lifestyle you think is The Lifestyle at the moment — there are always rules of etiquette that need to be followed for everybody to have a good time. These rules often also serve to help keep people safe and, in general, insure that a return visit will be allowed, perhaps even requested, by others at the event. Some of these are standard issue rules of etiquette that apply to any public behavior — be mindful of surroundings, be polite, follow the rules of the establishment or host, etc. — but some other rules come into play when dealing with those of us on the kinky fringe of society.