Hello SINful friends. It’s been awhile. Things have happened. Okay, that’s being unnecessarily understated; a whole lot of shit has gone down. We survived the first year with a potentially unhinged, confirmed liar “in charge” of the country. We saw a huge backlash against men who are in positions of power and who sexually abuse and harass other people. We saw the #MeToo movement resurrected ten years after it began, and with it came an unveiling of far more predators that we knew (although many suspected) in the public at large.
Knowledge without action, however, is much like potential energy; until something changes, it’s just … waiting. Yes, men like Matt Lauer and Kevin Spacey and Danny Masterson lost their jobs, but less publicly known men are still out there in power harassing and abusing men and women in industries outside the media. Men who are Shift Managers at grocery stores, or retail outlets, or restaurants, or your local gym. Men who are principles at schools, or faculty at University. Men who are ballet instructors, or composers, or sports heath professionals, or doctors. With all these less publicly prominent men committing these crimes, something must be done. Action must be taken. The voices of victims must be heard, and empowered. The time is long past due. Enter the new movement and service, “Time’s Up”.
Today Al Franken announced that he is retiring from his U.S. Senate Seat “in the coming weeks.”
There is a running list of all the men who have had abuse and/or harassment charges or complaints levied against them — although it has not been well updated, in part due to how fast the new cycle has been moving on this subject.
Consent violations are serious. Harassment is serious. Abuse is serious. Assault is serious. Rape is serious.
It’s about time we started seeing these subjects truly be taken seriously, although the fact that Hollywood and the Democratic Party seem to be the only parties actually doing so is still disconcerting. Trump admitted on tape to violating countless women, yet won the Election a year ago. Disgraced judge Roy Moore — who has been removed from the bench twice — is in a surprisingly close race for a Senate Seat from Alabama despite the fact that at least 9 women have com forward with convincing claims (and in some cases convincing evidence) that Moore sexually harassed or assaulted them when each of these women were teenagers, many below the legal age of consent in Alabama (16) at the time.
Why is it that the Republican Party, which heralds itself as “The Party of Family Values”, embraces this repugnant behavior? (more…)
Today is Tuesday, the 18th day of October in the year 2016. In three weeks time, the general election for the next President of the United States of America will culminate in us learning which version of historical precedence will be set.
Possibility 1: Hillary Clinton, the candidate for the Democratic Party, will become the first woman and the first spouse of a previous President to be elected President of the United States.
Possibility 2: Donal Trump, the candidate for the Republican Party, will become the first multiple divorcee, multiple civil trial defendant, multiple fraud charge defendant, first candidate allegedly indebted to the Russian government, and first person to have children with multiple previous wives, to be elected President of the United States.
If you are reading this entry, I can assume you love either politics or sex (or both).
If you love politics, please do not vote for Trump. He is destroying every standard and ethical approach to politics this country has ever seen.
If you love sex, please do not vote for Trump. He routinely disparages (and admits to assaulting) women, he regularly insults everybody who is not straight, and he is actively seeking to undo all of the progressive gains this country has made over the last 8 years in regards to civil and equal rights for every non-hetero-normative individual in this country.
Please, if you are a U.S. Citizen, and especially so if you live in one of the states regularly contested, such as Florida, Pennsylvania, Ohio, and Iowa, cast your vote for Clinton. Your LGBTQ+ friends and families, and their families, have their very lives at stake in this election. Stand with us. Stand for progress. Stand for hope. Stand for being stronger together.
Stay SINful, friends.
This last weekend Mrs. AP and I moved from Orlando to the Atlantic Coast — specifically the Space Coast — to get away from the noise and endless bustle and draining energy of the city. Now we’re near the beach! Win for us!
We’re also (okay, more she than me at the moment) being more active on OKC and FL and starting good conversations with potential new lovers.
It’s been over 3 years since I sucked a cock, and nearly 7 since I swallowed cum that is not my own. That itch needs scratching, and soon.
More SINful stories to come! The urge, the need, to write is hitting more. Just have to finish unpacking and get over some of these work deadlines first…
Stay SINful, friends!
The other night I had a deliciously dream of debauchery. I’m sure it means my subconscious is telling me that I have needs or wants or desires that are unfulfilled, which makes since considering I’ve spent the last 18 months recovering from one medical emergency or another. This dream, however, was the most vivid a dream I think I’ve ever had. I could not only see everything, but also taste and smell and feel everything, which is perhaps the best way to have a dream that includes wanton submission to all things hedonistic. Come along for the ride, won’t you?
I awoke this morning to the news that David Bowie had died. Like most of the world, I was gutted by this news, and have spent the rest of the day — while working, nonetheless — fighting back the release of tears that have been omnipresent behind my eyelids. Undoubtedly The Man of Many Personas left us too soon, but oh, what gifts he left us all, and the LGBTQ+ community specifically.
Earlier this year, a young white male sat inside a church in Charleston, South Carolina, USA and waited for whatever moment he considered to be perfect before revealing multiple firearms and shooting at members of the church. 9 were dead and many more injured by the time his rampage was complete.
Earlier this year, members of ISIL/ISIS were videotaped binding gay couples and throwing them from the tops of buildings.
Earlier this year, Buddhist monks in Burma lead a movement of oppressive laws and physical attacks against both women and against Muslims.
Earlier this year, LGBTQ families across the United States were threatened (and many attacked) when the U.S. Supreme Court declared that same sex marriage is an equal right.
Earlier this month, a Moroccan actress was attacked after starring in a film about the exploitation of sex workers in Marrakech.
Earlier this week, students at The University of Missouri in Columbia, Missouri, USA were threatened with bombs and guns for having the bravery to stand up to racist slurs and threats.
Earlier this week, suicide bombers kills dozens of people in Beirut.
Yesterday, attacks in Paris killed hundreds.
I could go on, but the patterns, the trends, they repeat into perpetuity. Across the world people separate themselves — Christian vs non-Christian, Catholic vs Protestant, Shi’a vs Sunni, Shinto vs Taoist, Israeli vs Palestinian, Black vs White, American vs Mexican, British vs Irish, Straight vs Gay, Men vs Women, Police vs Civilians, etc. — using labels that enable one group to define any other convenient group as The Other. The Other is dangerous! The Other is to be feared! The Other must be fought! The Other seeks to take our land, our women, our jobs, our freedom! The Other must be made to go away! Protect us from The Other!
Why are we so quick to define and then retreat from The Other? In the United States, why the ever increasing rhetoric to fear people from across the wrong border, or people who use a different house of worship, or people who love differently? In the world writ large, why the ever increasing fear of those fleeing from violence, those crossing borders in hopes of living, those who wish only to live in peace? Why the fear of women being seen as equals, or LGBTQ+ people being treated with genuine respect and honor? Why the fear, disgust, intolerance, and even outright hatred of The Other?
Living with The Other requires stepping outside a pre-established comfortable space, in which The One is not challenged by foreign ideas. The One has a manufactured reality; normality is fabricated, molded, shaped into something that most resembles The One. The One may be in comfort, communing with others who resemble The One in body type, skin color, religious or philosophical ideals, leisure activities, and cultural representations. The One does not have to question if reality outside the small space occupied by The One differs from the reality The One has built, for the outside does not impugn nor encroach upon The One. The One is secure.
Introducing The Other into the comfortable space of The One dissolves that reality. The Other does not conform to the expectations around which The One has built daily life, and The One, often as a result of this self constructed minimized reality, lacks the coping ability to recognize The Other as being a valid part of reality. While from the perspective of The Other the constructed reality of The One is limited and minimal and could use a refreshing expansion, from the perspective of The One the arrival of The Other signifies destruction and rejection of all that The One has built. The Other sees expansion and inclusion, whereas The One sees conflict and restriction. Lacking the foundation upon which expansion can be built, The One lashes out.
This lashing may be verbal. It may be subtle, in the introduction of policies, regulations, or laws that prevent the acceptance of The Other, thus forcing The Other back away from the falsely maintained reality of The One. Should — nay, when — The Other refuses to regress, The One responds with more fervor. Regulations become threats. Threats become violence. Violence becomes murder. Not always, but often, for The One is accustomed to being heard and followed, and does not understand why The Other does not comply.
What I hope — indeed, for what we should all hope — is that we will learn how to stop being The One and recognize that we are all The Other. In this world of ever-growing connectedness, let us learn how to become connecting. Let us, instead of fearing and rejecting The Other, open ourselves to learning and adapting and expanding. We can learn from The Other. We, as The Other, can teach. We can be examples. We can embrace.
Do not reject The One, nor reject The Other. Destroy the limitations, yes, but only to build bigger and better through expansion. Reject fear and vitriol, and do not tolerate the spread of things based on hate, but act with love. Act with kindness and openness and respect. Demonstrate compassion.
Start with an embrace.
Stay SINful, friends.
As the fight for Marriage Equality continues — now with the U.S. State of Alabama grabbing headlines for the insolence of Justice Roy Moore — and the Supreme Court having announced that they will hear arguments regarding cases overseen by the 6th Circuit Court of the United States I’ve been contemplating how this all came about. There have been several groups working tireless for decades to see equal rights extended to all people within the United States that do not hold to the hetero-normative standards; without the efforts of groups like The Gay and Lesbian Advocates and Defenders helping make the U.S. State of Massachusetts the first U.S. state and only the sixth jurisdiction globally to recognize the basic human right of marriage for same-sex couple we would not be living in an age in which acceptance and recognition of same-sex couples’ rights has expanded exponentially. And yes, while the decisions within the courts — and the rare legislative motion — have been the means through which the official recognition of same-sex marriage has come to pass, the driving force behind the rising levels of acceptance has not been driven from exclamations from on high but rather by changing the thoughts and attitudes of the general populace. For this I believe we have these most visible people for their bold, fearless leadership in driving forward proper equality for all within the LGBTQ community.
Today the United States Supreme Court released a list of cases it will review during this current term. Vividly absent from this list were any cases regarding same-sex marriage validity. While this does not prevent the Supreme Court from taking up such as case in the future, what it does do is further cement the validity that there is no valid reason to prevent two consenting adults from having the same marriage benefits long since enjoyed by Good Christian Couples. But what is exactly is a Good Christian Couple (term my own), and why should it enter into the realm of legal recognition or protection of a relationship?
For those keeping track at home — or not but think these things are cool anyway — in the past week the United States saw
* Oregon have it’s gay marriage ban deemed unconstitutional
* Utah be ordered to recognize the 1300 marriage certificates issued to gay couples
* Pennsylvania have it’s gay marriage ban deemed unconstitutional
*Maryland passed a law banning unequal treatment of trans* people
This makes 16 consecutive rulings since the DOMA ruling that have been in favor of equality. Slowly yet surely that section of the listing ship that is inequality in the United States is being repaired. As Maryland has demonstrated, full inclusiveness requires more then granting two people in love the ability to seek equal recognition under the law.
We’ll get there. Someday soon, I hope.
Stay SINful, friends.
Less than one week ago, the NFL draft — in and of itself a terribly boring thing to watch — found itself in the center of a media blitzkrieg when openly gay player Michael Sam became the first such player to be drafted. His reaction was televised live and included a very heartfelt kiss with his boyfriend in reaction to the good news.
Some perspective for non sports fans — Michael Sam was the Defensive Player of the Year in the NCAA Southeastern Conference, or SEC. The SEC is widely considered the most competitive and elite of the college football conferences. Other NFL players from the SEC include Emmit Smith, Peyton Manning, Eli Manning, and Champ Bailey. Generally speaking, the SEC players are very good; in several recent years more NFL draftees hailed from colleges that were members of the SEC than from any other conference. Michael Sam was the best at what he did in a conference considered the best in the game. The fact that he was drafted based on talent is little surprise. The fact that he was drafted next-to-last is of mild surprise, despite the fact that several teams and high-profile players commented than his sexuality would have no bearing on his draft status. What is sadly surprising is the amount of open bigotry displayed since the airing of Michael Sam kissing his boyfriend in celebration.
Right now a Google search of “Michael Sam kiss” yields 114 million results. The first page focuses nearly entirely on the homophobic and bigoted reaction from members of various local media organizations — most prominently a female TV personality from the Dallas – Fort Worth area who became so incensed at the idea of ESPN “pushing their agenda” and giving her “no choice but to watch this kiss” that she stormed off the morning set when two of her co-hosts disagreed with her.
We have reached the odd balance point, where an openly gay potential NFL player can get drafted — and quickly generate the 2nd fastest player jersey in history — yet in the process of kissing his boyfriend in spontaneous celebration help reveal just how narrow minded large swaths of society remain. Some of the remarks have been as outrageous as “I don’t want my children being forced to see that kind of thin”, when nearly every stadium or arena has a “kiss cam” that at some point during the game will distract the fans with images of heterosexual couples in the stands kissing or being encouraged to kiss. The audacity of the double-standard is stunning.
Let us not be downtrodden, though. After all, we’ve now seen the NBA and the NFL — two of the most testosterone driven sports organizations in the United States — feature an openly gay player. This is progress, let there be no doubt, the pace of which is yet to be determined. Slowly public perception will shift and this will stop being a source of controversy. In the mean time, as Galinda from “Wicked” would say, we’ve got an awfully long way to go.
Stay SINful, friends.
Today was a standout day in terms of the ongoing fight for equality for my wonderful LGTBQ community.
First we had the wonderful surprise ruling from U.S. District Judge Orlando Garcia, who ruled that the Texas ban against gay marriage violated the 14 Amendment of the United States Constitution. In his ruling Judge Garcia wrote “Today’s court decision is not made in defiance of the great people of Texas or the Texas Legislature, but in compliance with the U.S. Constitution and Supreme Court precedent. Without a rational relation to a legitimate governmental purpose, state-imposed inequality can find no refuge in our U.S. Constitution.” Similar decisions have recently been handed down in Virginia and Kansas, and the swelling tide is pushing toward one of these decisions eventually leading to a case being heard by the United States Supreme Court. As more decisions are made in favor of equality, the precedence will be further set for the Supreme Court to finally rule on the matter altogether. Such a hearing and decision would not come for a few years out, still, but the evidence thus far shows that the soon this chapter of legal discrimination will be able to be closed.
Additionally, today also saw Governor Jan Brewer of Arizona veto State Bill 1062, which included language that would have given any person or business legal standing to deny “impactful service” that would have required a compromise of one’s religious convictions. While the most popular reaction was that right-wing Christian businesses could then refuse services to non-heteronormative individuals, the broad spectrum written into the bill would also have allowed Muslim business owners to refuse service to “infidels”, or Catholic business or charities to refuse service to divorcees or unwed mothers. There was no discernible distinction between what would be considered an undue burden, and the evidence needed was nearly as sparse as simple testimony of conviction and belief. This was a victory not only for the LGBTQ community but also for every minority religious group in the state of Arizona that needs protection from the far too common bigotry paraded as Christian values.
Granted, neither of these rulings directly affect me. I don’t live in either Texas or Arizona, and while I identify as Bisexual, to the general public I appear to be relatively hetero-normative. I have Mrs. AP as my soon-to-be wife. We have a family together. While we have dated other men together in the past, and have had some wonderful threesomes with them and others, none of that translates into our public appearances seeming to be anything other than a normal, stereotypical American family.
I need these rulings to help be able to break out of appearing to be the stereotypical hetero-normative male. I need these rulings so that public perception can be further pushed into acceptance and eventual embrace instead of discrimination. I need these rulings so that I don’t have to worry about making a comment about another man in public, or kissing another man right after Mrs. AP finishes with him, or the three of us all holdings hands in public will cause uproars and become public issues. Yes, I’m terribly to live in one of the most liberal portions of Florida, so that when Mrs. AP and I have been out in public with another man we’ve not been met with derision, but not every county in Florida is that accepting. The state law bans marriage between anybody other than one man and one woman. Non-heteronormative couples are not allowed to adopt. For as non-Southern as Florida may be, it’s still conservative. Consider, then, that Florida isn’t even one of the top 5 most conservative states. If my fellow human beings who identify within the LGBTQ spectrum cannot receive equal treatment in any state, the fight is not yet over. If those same fellow humans cannot receive equal protection in every state, the fight must continue.
Today included victories in two important battles. Let’s work to keep those victories coming.
Stay SINful, friends.
As has been widely reported, in the near future there is a strong likelihood that the National Council for the Boy Scouts of America may convene, and that during this convention they would vote on a change to the national by-laws for the organization that would allow Area Councils or individual Troops to choose to lift the current ban on accepting openly gay, bisexual, and other non-heterosexual oriented men and boys. For an organization as old and as publicly homophobic as the BSA, even the potential for such a vote to swing in favor of progressive, albeit moderated, acceptance is a large step. As a former Scout, I do not think the current proposal goes far enough.
I grew up as an active member of the BSA. My parents enrolled me during my first year of grade school, and I remained a member until a combination of school requirements, poor area Troops, and an increasingly full event calendar essentially forced me to drop out. Nevertheless, I gave 10 years of my life to the BSA. I attended the weekly meetings, in uniform. I joined every monthly hike, camping trip, or canoeing trip that I could. Every summer from the time I was first eligible, I attended a week of camp. Courtesy of the High Adventure program, I spent a week in a replica schooner in the Florida Keys. Because of the efficient organization of the BSA, I have hiked portions of the Appalachian Trail, I have attended regional Camporees, I have learned First Aid, how to properly care for a rifle, how to tie elaborate knots, how to whip and fuse rope, and how to be both a good leader and a good follower. The lessons I learned as a member were invaluable, and carry with me still.
Some of the core tenets of Scouting that I learned and embraced are contained with the Boy Scout Oath. While I will not recite the entire Oath here, I will focus on the key tenets that apply to the current debate over proper acceptance of members who do not fit the hetero-normative mold. “On my honor… I will do my duty… to help other people at all times … to keep myself … mentally awake and morally straight.” Those tenets apply strongly to this fight. Allow me to break them down.
Friday night Mrs. AP and I attended a concert at local club. The headline artist was one of the pioneers in the electronic trance genre, which resulted in nearly non-stop moving and dancing for hours on end. We had been invited at the request of new friends — a male and female couple — Mrs. AP had made at a house party a few weeks prior.
While we were one the dance floor with our friends, Mrs. AP leaned in to me to let me know that “there’s something special” about the woman of couple, whom I shall call SCS (Short Cute and Sweet). I grinned like the cheshire car and told her to go with whatever feelings hit her.
Over the course of the night I bore witness to Mrs. AP and SCS making out repeatedly, groping and fondling each other, and making long assaults on each other’s nipples via lips and teeth. Mrs. AP also engaged in a deep soulful kiss with SCS’ boyfriend. All of this, of course, in the middle of a pack of moving, dancing people on the dance floor, and in between her and I making out and groping each other nearly non-stop.
Nights like this remind me just how freeing it is to be Poly. While we needn’t be always on the lookout for new people in our lives, being able to take advantages of situations like this when they arise and not only feel no guilt or remorse but also feel intense joy and happiness for our partner/s in the process is empowering. Mrs. AP was free and carefree with SCS, and it was an absolute joy to watch. I’ve never seen Mrs. AP so entranced by another woman before. To that point, I’ve never seen Mrs. AP express outright desire to pursue another woman before, much less initiate a deep kiss.
I look forward to seeing just where this leads.
Stay SINful, friends.
Pardon the alliteration, friends, but I’m feeling whimsical. You’ll forgive me, yes?
I stumbled this morning on an excellent piece hosted on the Huffington Post titled “For Bi Guys Thinking of Coming Out” by author Patrick RichardsFink. If you have not already, please go read the piece. Regardless of your gender or sexual identity there are some incredible insights found within the piece, particularly in dealing with the preconceptions most people still carry about sexuality and gender identity being based within the binary normative structure of gay/straight, male/female.
As I have mentioned repeatedly in my writings, I knew comparatively early in my life that I am Bi Male. Additionally, I came to realize later in life that I am also a Queer Male. In my further explorations into the roles of gender and sexual identity as parcel to development and establishing meaningful interpersonal relationships, I have had to undo the same kind of binary thinking still prevalent in modern Western society. Sexuality and Gender are not necessarily static, but may instead exist on a dynamic continuum. It is with this greater understanding, both externally and internally of the fluidity of self-expression, that led me to the belief that Bi-Curiosity is a misnomer, a stumbling block upon the path to actualization. The conversation is not as simple as there being two sides to a coin, but is instead as multifaceted as a Princess-cut diamond. This complexity requires adopting not only a new approach to coming out but also a new mindset to those still within the binary-normative structure.
Today is a day of celebration.
Today marks the celebration of the life and aspirations of Reverend Doctor Martin Luther King, Jr., who sought for unity and equality among all people.
Today also marks the second public memorial inauguration of President Obama, who has worked toward realizing the dreams of Reverend Doctor Martin Luther King, Jr.
Regardless of your race, your creed, your orientation, your household status, your heritage, your partnered status, your age, your sex, your gender, or any other qualifying label under which you may place yourself, remember this: until we all hold the same protection under the law, until we all seek to protect the oppressed, the frail, the wounded, and the persecuted — indeed, until we all rise up in love and hope — we all stand to fail.
Choose love and help fulfill a dream.
Stay SINful, friends.
Goodness, has the past week been brutal for the LGTBQ and Polyamorous communitie.
Really, why can’t we all just take heed of the wisdom of Depeche Mode?
Tonight at work I was shaken by having to deal with some very outspoken white male bigots. I heard one in particular shouting at somebody over the phone (and I beg you, please, excuse the language) “listen to me, you fucking nigger!” Several people in the group laughed, showing genuine amusement at the use of such a negative racial epithet. The same person performing the shouting later remarked that one of the members in the group was “a long-haired faggot” because he was neither drinking with the rest nor had any means of lending assistance to their situation. Again, members of the group laughed, but I could see the pain flicker in the eyes of the victim of the verbal abuse. He knew his compatriots were in the wrong, and attempted several times to apologize in their defense. I felt sad for him. He felt intrinsically complicit in the vitriloic behavior of his comrades yet seemed to me to appear powerless to stop it in that moment. I wished them well, him most of all, and left them to their own devices.
In a similar fashion, there was evidently quite the uproar at the end of last week over some very contentious articles written for various UK publications. The Trans community took offense to some writing by one authori in particular, who in turn rebuked the commenters via what I understand to be ad hominem attacks. This led to attacks on both sides, and spilled forth from there into more public forums. Both sides handled things particularly badly, but some good seems to be coming of the incident. In particular are those providing details of attacks they have suffered from the medical and media communities in addition to private persecution for having the courage to be resolute in becoming inwardly and outwardly comfortable with themselves. The fact that those in the Trans community suffer persecution, particularly in the form of violence, is no secret. What is surprising is how blind to that fact so many people seem to (willingly?) be.
There it is. All debates are complete, and there’s 2 weeks remaining until Election Day here within the United States. Between all the rhetoric and attacks and question dodging there seems to be no question that neither candidate is quite getting all the information he wants to divulge in a clear and concise manner. What, then, is a responsible, sex-positive individual to do? Look to the platforms of the two major parties, of course! Follow me as we explore then in more detail.
Mrs. AP and I have had many an interesting, sometimes frustrating conversation over the past few years regarding politics in the United States. When she first met me — and indeed for some time thereafter — I as very staunchly holding to the views I developed from being raised in a Southern, Military, Lutheran household. While not entirely on the right of the political spectrum, and in fact testing as a conservative-leaning Libertarian, I found myself more often identifying with the Republican Party than the Democratic Party on matters of spending, defense, and social programs. Where I vehemently disagreed was in matters regarding sexual and identity freedom, but thought that by tending to the GOP priorities first the road would more easily open for the social changes required for sex, gender, and orientation equality. I realize now that this view was misguided, a product of a misinformed youth and an ignorant, naive approach to life. Like many others, I find I can no longer balance the iniquities of the Republican Party against the good I assumed they could do. What changed in me that I can no longer, in good conscience, align myself with the ideologies of my yesteryears? In short, I finally matured.
The ever fantastic Lily Lloyd posted a picture on FetLife (the social-networking site for kinky adults) showing the position of all current U.S. Presidential Candidates for 2012 in regards to equal marriage rights. The answers are based on survey results, which were in turn sent out by MarriageEquality.org. The latest results, well… I believe they speak for themselves.
I don’t often talk politics in this space, but the announcement that hit the wire yesterday was too big for me to ignore. As sources told Politico, a drafting session by members of the party responsible for drafting the official party platform have included language in support of Equal Marriage Rights. Openly gay, married, retiring Congressman Barney Frank of Massachusetts reportedly said the vote was unanimous. This is a tremendously big deal for me, and not only because I identify as a member of the LGBTQ community, but also because I grew up in the Southeastern United States and have seen the lingering effects of willful discrimination all my life.
I make no secret in this space that I consider myself Bi/Queer. Comments I’ve made on other blogs hold this fact in no secret either. While it took me some time to become comfortable with this aspect of my personality and my being, it took me much longer to fully come out, despite the the fact that I knew growing up that I liked boys and girls alike. I first started with very close friends in my early-mids 20’s, and I was up-front about it with my now ex-wife when she and I began dating. For nearly a decade, though, I held that part of myself secret from my parents and my brother. I knew, considering the environment in which I was raised and the religious proclivities of my parents, that such a revelation would prove disastrous to our relationship. Despite the very Christian claims of “Love the Sinner, hate the Sin” I knew from my experience in my early 20’s of my parents finding out that I don’t consider myself Christian that the amount of preaching about my “choices” would be a large contingent of every conversation we had for months, if not years, after I told them. I knew they would withdraw from me, and I from them; that I would, in effect, lose my family. Why, knowing this ahead of time, would I choose to come out instead of just keeping things quiet and following the established protocols? Why would I choose to alienate myself from people who might not be able to handle the news?
I have a bone to pick with every person out there on dating sites, swinger sites, BDSM sites, Adult Sites, and every other site in which one or more people are looking to find somebody sitting within a particular category or another of sexual or gender identity. For years, this term Bi-Curious has been available as an option, as if to indicate that a person is uncertain about one’s own proclivities until experience has been gained. This is the underlying concept with which I disagree, and the more I think about it, the stronger that disagreement becomes.
The whole concept behind Bi-Curious is that one does not “Really Know” if one likes members of the same sex until one has attempted some sort of sexual interaction. This concept is bullshit. Complete, utter, inane, homophobic bullshit.
You may be thinking, “but that can’t be bullshit! How can you really know until you try it?” You want to know how? You really need me to tell you how the label of Bi-Curious is an stinking pile of logical fallacy?