An Absinthe-Loving, Polyamorous, Kinky, Sex-Positive Couple talk about all things Sex, Kink, and LGBTQ.

Posts tagged “Kinky

Anticipation

I’m trying something new this week.  There’s something started bumbling around in my brain and I’m going to see how well it looks once it comes out.  For the first time ever, may I present a bit of erotic fiction:
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How Tolerance Really Works

If one lives in or meanders through or even just sometime dabbles in one of the multitude of fringe subcultures in society, be it Swinger or Kinkster or Gay or Bi or Poly, then one has encountered some form of intolerance.  The degree of this intolerance varies, surely, but ask the average person how well s/he would react to learning that a school teacher is gay, or a swinger, or engages in BDSM practices outside of the confines of the professional environment and the overwhelming response will be one of negativity.  Disgust, perhaps, or vitriolic speech will be the common denominator.  Very often, the people reacting from a negative place espouse to live lives of public positivity; they claim hold of beliefs that teach of love and kindness not simply as ways of live but furthermore as embedded attitudes of being.  Turn around yet afterward and ask these people on their thoughts on tolerance, and the refrain is automatic; love everybody, tolerate everybody, but teach and preach in hopes of homogenizing everybody to better align with the responder’s beliefs.

This is not tolerance.  This is a guise, an imagery put forth from which platitudes may be issued and rote answers may be spewed.  Underneath this facade is a dislike, a distrust, in fact a disavowal of any thought, philosophy, or practice that is not conformist to the established teachings of the hallowed institution.  That institution may be religious, political, educational, ect. but they share commonalities in inspiring loyalty and conferring world views that are either blind to or ignorant of baseline facts about life outside the shelter of the group.  There is safety in numbers; behold the flock of sheep.

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Switch It Up

In the realm of BDSM the grouping of individuals is generally regarded in Binary terms.  Dom and sub.  Master and slave.  Many of you readers strongly identify with one of these labels; just a quick look down the blogroll even shows these terms in several of your blog titles.  Whether you’re training your slave to follow orders or you just really need your partner to bend you over and spank you sometimes, the deep need to operate within that mode is such a strong part of you that you feel something is missing when you don’t get proper playtime.  In a way, I envy you, because the need to feed just one mode does not exist within me.  I do not have the strong, overwhelming urge to be a good little submissive to Mrs. AP all of the time, nor do I feel that correlating urge to dominate her all the time.  No, SINful friends, I have it much better and much worse.  When it comes to those kinds of urges, I get them both.

I am a Switch.

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Vanilla-esque Date

Friday night Mrs. AP and I had a date 3 weeks in the making.  It wasn’t Vanilla per se — we discussed Poly and BDSM and a portion of the local community — but it wasn’t wholly Non-Vanilla either.  Turns out there’s a gray, blended area where Vanilla and Non-Vanilla swirl together into what I hencefoth deem Vanilla-esque.  Aren’t I catchy?

Said date was Non-Vanilla in multiple ways beyond the topics discussed.  Our date, Rigger, found our profiles on OKCupid and sent us both messages, which led quickly into talks of profiles on FetLife.  Perving on FetLife turned to becoming friends on FetLife, where the vast majority of the conversations have taken place between us.  This is where one of my recent posts rings true; I’d had several chances to begin conversation with Rigger but failed to do so simply by waiting for him to start.  Ooops.  I’m a dumbass.

So through FetLife we arranged a date, finally, and thanks to certain life circumstances leaving no other options the date occurred with Princess and Tank in tow.  This necessitated having the date at not only a public space, which we always do for meeting somebody for the first time, but also a family friendly public space.  Right.  Cheap family-oriented chain restaurant to the rescue!

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Discovering New Kinks

As I mentioned in my last post, Mrs. AP and I had a long talk wherein she helped me realize that I hadn’t been paying the amount of attention to her that a dedicated loving partner should.  I had, in truth, been behaving selfishly.  At some point during the discussion, Mrs. AP brought our her Coffin Case and opened it.  Her Coffin Case is her Domme toolkit; within it she has multiple floggers, a small whip, and several riding crops with various tips.  To work out some of her frustrations, she started testing each of them out across my ass and back.  Although she stayed mostly light with her lashes, some of her instruments deliver a sharper bite than others and left marks that stung for hours.  It’s only the second time she’s broken out the toys on me — I have sensitive skin that welts easily and with that comes a remarkably low pain threshold — but this round lasted longer than previously.  All told, I think she spent about 10 – 15 minutes on me.  I think.  I’m not entirely certain, for you see, I think I started entering subspace.

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Relationships are everywhere!

We make no secret about loving sex and kink around here.   After all, we’ve detailed some very personal and intimate details so far.  As part of that love, Mrs. AbsinthePassion and I are often reading such wonderful material as the advice column Savage Love by Dan Savage.  He’s unapologetic, witty, sometimes snarky or catty, but absolutely well educated and spot-on with most of his advice.  Today’s article in particular brought one of the more poignant and relevant letters and responses I’ve seen in his column in awhile, and I want to share with you all.

Dan’s Reader Asks:

Is it possible for a hookup to turn into a relationship?

Hoping One Person Enters

Dan Replies:

A hookup is a relationship, HOPE. It may be a short-term relationship, but it’s a relationship regardless.

And, yes, a short-term hookup can turn into a long-term relationship, HOPE, but not if you’re treating your hookups like shit (because they’re only hookups!) and not if you’re willing to let the people you hook up with treat you like shit (because you’re only a hookup). Treat your hookups like people you might actually see again—like human beings with human feelings, not just human holes and/or poles—and you might actually see them again.

You might even wind up in a long-term relationship.

Now, sometimes people hook up with strangers precisely because they wanna have sex with someone they don’t know and don’t expect to see again. And that’s not always a bad idea: Having sex with someone who you don’t expect to see again can be very liberating. A girl who can’t let herself go with a guy she’s dating—maybe she fears being slut- or nympho-shamed by a boyfriend—will grind the dick off a hookup. And it can be easier to ask someone you don’t expect to see again to do something kinky. Say a straight boy has always wanted a girl to put him in her panties and peg his ass. He could ask a girlfriendto do that for him, sure, but the stakes are higher. What if she freaks out and dumps him, and blabs to her friends—and his—about why she dumped him?

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Being Kinky Parents

Mrs. AbsinthePassion and I are far from a Vanilla couple.  Even by many Swinger standards we sit outside the accepted norms.   She’s straight-ish, while I’m Bi (more properly, Queer, which is a whole discussion unto itself.)  We’re Polyamorous.  And we’re active in the BDSM lifestyle;  she’s been going to Fetish Circuit for years on end and is a VERY good Domme, I’m still learning but make a good Switch so far.  We both have profiles on FetLife, where I have 147 fetishes listed as being into in one manner or another and an additional 14 about which I am curious.  We have a good variety of impact and bondage toys in the house, with a good focus on whips, crops, paddles, and cat-o-nine tails.  It’s a curious thing, as the exposure in the BDSM Lifestyle can, at times, make basic swinging seem, well, Vanilla.

Between looking for a boyfriend, looking for swing play, and the BDSM exploration on top of our very active sex life anyway, we are often stuck with one very serious, sobering question.  “How do we deal with the kids?”

Mrs. AP and I are both very sex positive.  We tell the 14 year old Genius Child that, when it comes time for him to start exploring things, we want him to be safe and responsible.  We have had several talks on proper safety procedures, proper emotional preparedness, etc.  While we know he’s intelligent enough to understand health risks and pregnancy scares, we’re not entirely certain his emotional intelligence is quite at the level yet to grasp things.  Nevertheless, we keep the lines of communication very open, and encourage him to come to us with any questions or concerns.  Usually this means he talks to me, as “talking to Mom” just makes him uncomfortable.  As a former teenage male, I understand, and I take great honor in being close enough to him after only 2 years in his life that he will discuss his concerns with me.

Then there are the 2 younger ones; Princess and Tank. (more…)