The following is a work of fiction. It is a fantasy of how I would like one lovely night in Hedonism to occur, assuming Mrs. AP and I could ever get there with the two boyfriends with whom we got along best. It contains graphic details of consensual congress between three bisexual men and one woman between in a public setting. If that suits your fancy, please come join the ride.
As the fight for Marriage Equality continues — now with the U.S. State of Alabama grabbing headlines for the insolence of Justice Roy Moore — and the Supreme Court having announced that they will hear arguments regarding cases overseen by the 6th Circuit Court of the United States I’ve been contemplating how this all came about. There have been several groups working tireless for decades to see equal rights extended to all people within the United States that do not hold to the hetero-normative standards; without the efforts of groups like The Gay and Lesbian Advocates and Defenders helping make the U.S. State of Massachusetts the first U.S. state and only the sixth jurisdiction globally to recognize the basic human right of marriage for same-sex couple we would not be living in an age in which acceptance and recognition of same-sex couples’ rights has expanded exponentially. And yes, while the decisions within the courts — and the rare legislative motion — have been the means through which the official recognition of same-sex marriage has come to pass, the driving force behind the rising levels of acceptance has not been driven from exclamations from on high but rather by changing the thoughts and attitudes of the general populace. For this I believe we have these most visible people for their bold, fearless leadership in driving forward proper equality for all within the LGBTQ community.
Today the United States Supreme Court released a list of cases it will review during this current term. Vividly absent from this list were any cases regarding same-sex marriage validity. While this does not prevent the Supreme Court from taking up such as case in the future, what it does do is further cement the validity that there is no valid reason to prevent two consenting adults from having the same marriage benefits long since enjoyed by Good Christian Couples. But what is exactly is a Good Christian Couple (term my own), and why should it enter into the realm of legal recognition or protection of a relationship?
As a follow-up to the conversation Mrs. AP and I had the other night, Mrs. AP asked me what kind of action / relationship / friendship … thing … for which I’m looking. Evidently my stare of confusion was quite audible even in the dark of our bedroom at night, because she rephrased the question, asking “Are you just looking for some boy bits to play with or are you looking for somebody more long term and permanent for a relationship.” I still needed clarification, however, so in response I asked “do you mean as just a playful swinger kind of thing or as a more poly boyfriend situation kind of distinction?”
“Yes, exactly; play for fun or long-term play?”
I mulled this over in my head some before answering slowly and deliberately “What I want right now is just playful fun with boy parts, for us to suck and fuck and get fucked. That’s what I’m craving. Sexy fun time with another guy or two.”
Truth be told — and that’s why I’m here, right? — that’s not the entirety of what I want. I don’t think it ever has been one or the other for me; it’s always been both.
The other night Mrs. AP and I were having a conversation about all the things I’ve unknowingly been repressing over this past year. To recap, this year saw Mrs. AP and I becoming legally wed, us having a daughter together, moving halfway across the state, and me narrowly dodging death by unexplainable medical means (statistically, at least). To say the least, taking care of my kinkier needs has not been one of the higher priorities, to the point where I’d been suppressing them nearly completely. Until recently.
As suppression often does to wants, needs, and kinks, I’ve been finding myself day/dreaming more often about adding somebody else to the bedroom with Mrs. AP and me. Always male. Always well endowed. Always interested in playing with us equally. Thoughts of group play and all the delicious positions in which we could engage have been growing more prevalent. I realized I craze the group aspect that we’ve not really had this year (except that one time).
As Mrs. AP and I were discussing this, I asked her if she was really okay with having a husband who craves sucking cock and watching her get fucked. Her response was “I wouldn’t have married a Bisexual man if I didn’t want the boy-on-boy love and the threesomes that come with it.” Right there, Mrs. AP reassured me that I’m not only normal but also perfectly placed with her, and that there’s none better for me. The heart swelling was nigh enough to make me burst. Luckily, all the talk of the things we could do with another male companion had me fully at the ready, so part of me was equipped TO burst.
As I rolled on top of Mrs. AP and began to slide inside her I found her already dripping. I asked if the thought of another guy joining us again got her excited; she bit her lip and nodded. I asked her is she wanted to watch him fuck my tight ass while my cock was buried inside her; she moaned and had a small orgasm. I asked if she wanted to watch his face as he came inside me, his orgasm triggering mine; she came hard, biting her lip and gripping the sheets and mattress hard. She then turned the tables, asking me if I wanted him to kneel at my head (presumably clean) so that she and I could suck him together. I nodded. She asked if I wanted him to fuck my mouth while I fucked her. I moaned and nodded again. She asked me if I wanted to make him cum down my throat.
I exploded inside her, overcome with the most intense orgasm I’ve had in months.
Clearly I’ve been suppressing a good bit. It was fantastic to get it out there, and to share it with my wonderful wife.
Now we just need somebody else with whom we can share …
Stay SINful, friends.
As has been widely reported, in the near future there is a strong likelihood that the National Council for the Boy Scouts of America may convene, and that during this convention they would vote on a change to the national by-laws for the organization that would allow Area Councils or individual Troops to choose to lift the current ban on accepting openly gay, bisexual, and other non-heterosexual oriented men and boys. For an organization as old and as publicly homophobic as the BSA, even the potential for such a vote to swing in favor of progressive, albeit moderated, acceptance is a large step. As a former Scout, I do not think the current proposal goes far enough.
I grew up as an active member of the BSA. My parents enrolled me during my first year of grade school, and I remained a member until a combination of school requirements, poor area Troops, and an increasingly full event calendar essentially forced me to drop out. Nevertheless, I gave 10 years of my life to the BSA. I attended the weekly meetings, in uniform. I joined every monthly hike, camping trip, or canoeing trip that I could. Every summer from the time I was first eligible, I attended a week of camp. Courtesy of the High Adventure program, I spent a week in a replica schooner in the Florida Keys. Because of the efficient organization of the BSA, I have hiked portions of the Appalachian Trail, I have attended regional Camporees, I have learned First Aid, how to properly care for a rifle, how to tie elaborate knots, how to whip and fuse rope, and how to be both a good leader and a good follower. The lessons I learned as a member were invaluable, and carry with me still.
Some of the core tenets of Scouting that I learned and embraced are contained with the Boy Scout Oath. While I will not recite the entire Oath here, I will focus on the key tenets that apply to the current debate over proper acceptance of members who do not fit the hetero-normative mold. “On my honor… I will do my duty… to help other people at all times … to keep myself … mentally awake and morally straight.” Those tenets apply strongly to this fight. Allow me to break them down.
Friday night Mrs. AP and I attended a concert at local club. The headline artist was one of the pioneers in the electronic trance genre, which resulted in nearly non-stop moving and dancing for hours on end. We had been invited at the request of new friends — a male and female couple — Mrs. AP had made at a house party a few weeks prior.
While we were one the dance floor with our friends, Mrs. AP leaned in to me to let me know that “there’s something special” about the woman of couple, whom I shall call SCS (Short Cute and Sweet). I grinned like the cheshire car and told her to go with whatever feelings hit her.
Over the course of the night I bore witness to Mrs. AP and SCS making out repeatedly, groping and fondling each other, and making long assaults on each other’s nipples via lips and teeth. Mrs. AP also engaged in a deep soulful kiss with SCS’ boyfriend. All of this, of course, in the middle of a pack of moving, dancing people on the dance floor, and in between her and I making out and groping each other nearly non-stop.
Nights like this remind me just how freeing it is to be Poly. While we needn’t be always on the lookout for new people in our lives, being able to take advantages of situations like this when they arise and not only feel no guilt or remorse but also feel intense joy and happiness for our partner/s in the process is empowering. Mrs. AP was free and carefree with SCS, and it was an absolute joy to watch. I’ve never seen Mrs. AP so entranced by another woman before. To that point, I’ve never seen Mrs. AP express outright desire to pursue another woman before, much less initiate a deep kiss.
I look forward to seeing just where this leads.
Stay SINful, friends.
Pardon the alliteration, friends, but I’m feeling whimsical. You’ll forgive me, yes?
I stumbled this morning on an excellent piece hosted on the Huffington Post titled “For Bi Guys Thinking of Coming Out” by author Patrick RichardsFink. If you have not already, please go read the piece. Regardless of your gender or sexual identity there are some incredible insights found within the piece, particularly in dealing with the preconceptions most people still carry about sexuality and gender identity being based within the binary normative structure of gay/straight, male/female.
As I have mentioned repeatedly in my writings, I knew comparatively early in my life that I am Bi Male. Additionally, I came to realize later in life that I am also a Queer Male. In my further explorations into the roles of gender and sexual identity as parcel to development and establishing meaningful interpersonal relationships, I have had to undo the same kind of binary thinking still prevalent in modern Western society. Sexuality and Gender are not necessarily static, but may instead exist on a dynamic continuum. It is with this greater understanding, both externally and internally of the fluidity of self-expression, that led me to the belief that Bi-Curiosity is a misnomer, a stumbling block upon the path to actualization. The conversation is not as simple as there being two sides to a coin, but is instead as multifaceted as a Princess-cut diamond. This complexity requires adopting not only a new approach to coming out but also a new mindset to those still within the binary-normative structure.
In the past two weeks Mrs. AP and I have had two dates with Our Crush. In both cases what started out as short dates evolved into very long amounts of time spent over at his place, with a great deal of making out involved. The first date, in fact, lasted ten hours, the last two to three hours of which were spent with a great deal of kissing and neck nibbling and running fingernails up and down various body parts… all without any clothing being removed. The second date at his house did lead to all clothing on all parties eventually coming off, but only after yet another long period of making out and teasing and foreplay.
Mrs. AP and I have our fair share of threesomes with another man under our collective belt, considering our long-held Triad with her soon-to-be-ex-husband and our dalliances with both Our Well Hung Lover and a long standing friend of hers, but never before have either of us — nor Our Crush, if I guess correctly — been involved in a scenario where there was truly equal attention and desire among all three people. Each of us wanted, desired, and gave attention to the other two freely and equally without need of conscious thought toward the matter. It was more a matter of each of us not being able to get enough of the other two than any one of us feeling pressured to give attention to one of the other people. We were the closest to a true Triad I’ve ever experienced, with lines of energy connected each of the three pairs of us — him and her; her and me; him and me — along with a continuous loop connecting us all that was exhilarating and powerful. I wrote once of wanting the kind of Triad where each of us makes the other two stronger; I got a taste of what that can be like as we all rolled around in bed together.
Goodness, has the past week been brutal for the LGTBQ and Polyamorous communitie.
Really, why can’t we all just take heed of the wisdom of Depeche Mode?
All of us, regardless of background, can trace many of our adult behaviors to either the environment in which we were raised or the character of those who helped raise us, if not both. While there are exceptions to all cases, generally speaking somebody who is raised in an abusive environment will seek escape from the reality of that environment in some form of self-destructive behavior, which then carries on into adulthood. Similarly, a person who is raised in a protected environment may be ignorant of some of the dangers posed by a less gentle, less forgiving segment of society. Those raised in areas in which overt racism is present may be more aware of the effects of how prejudices alter perception, and those raised in areas free of such societal pressures may not understand how deeply run the roots of those prejudices may lie.
I’ve spoken of it before, but for those unaware, the vast majority of my life has been spent living in states south of the Mason-Dixon Line. Additionally, my parents are devout Lutheran Christians, which meant I spent a good portion of my weekends and my afternoons during the Advent and Lent seasons inside a church building. The combination of living in the Buckle of the Bible Belt with deeply devout parents meant that I was nearly always surrounded by people who believed to their deepest cores that the Christian Bible is irrefutably sacrosanct, literally true, and an absolute guide for moral behavior. This belief extended to most major areas of notable Conservative dispute, particularly the areas surrounding evolution and human sexuality. I was taught to belief — and encouraged when reciting or defending the belief — that evolution is not scientifically valid and that humans lived alongside dinosaurs. Any belief in the evidence provided by the fossil record was disputed or discarded simply because it did not fit within dogmatic. Simply put, the scientific method was considered irrelevant and, in a fashion that seems to be uniquely American, cast aside not to be thoughtfully discussed.
As I look back to that time in my life, I often feel shame at being sucked into the arguments provided. My blind faith in the absolute correctness of the Biblical accounts of things being the only way “things could have happened” was borderline fanatical, and impervious to rational arguments challenging my beliefs. Thankfully, my parents taught me to be discerning and thoughtful and to never stop reading, which led to broadening my lens and finding additional information that debunked and thoroughly refuted my prior beliefs. My hypothesis had been wrong, and when presented with overwhelming evidence I was forced to adjust my beliefs to better hold with the evidentiary truth. In just such a manner was I also forced to adjust my views on human sexuality.
Friday night Mrs. AP and I went to a party held annually by one of our friends. It’s nothing terribly raucous or sexy, usually, although sometimes somebody does get tied to the St. Andrew’s cross and whips and floggers come out. This year, though, it was primarily eating, drinking, and lots of catching up with friends seldom seen.
At one point Mrs. AP and I were in a small circle of people talking, and one of the other ladies was remarking how her Gene Simmon’s-like tongue often attracts lesbians, and that she’s always turning them down. She segued this into how men in earshot so often respond with “but 2 girls together is HOT!” Her response to this line of logic lately has been to turn to the guy and challenge him to go down on another guy because she thinks that would be “so damn hot,” and how the guy’s always act revolted at the thought.
Mrs. AP quipped that “that doesn’t necessarily apply to everybody at this party tonight.” This other girl then turned to me and asked “would you suck a cock if she asked you to?”
Nonchalantly, with the slightest grin forming on my face, I coolly replied “I already have.”
I don’t think I’ve ever seen a group of kink-friendly people go slackjawed so quickly in my life. Mrs. AP couldn’t stop laughing for at least 5 minutes.
Stay SINful, friends.
As I’ve mentioned previously, Mrs. AP is plotting an evening/night in celebration of my approaching birthday that will feature the inclusion of Our Date in delightful debauchery. Mrs. AP knows that I’ve been getting the itch for some male/male and group action, and to my delight so has she!
We lay in bed discussing the various things we would like to have happen, what would be nice but won’t cause disappointments without, and where our limits with Our Date lie. In this our limits are usually flexible, dependent upon our individual comfort levels as well as our comfort levels with our new prospective partner. We both find ourselves comfortably drawn to him, to the point we found ourselves agreeing that our only limits with him are our typical hard limits — no blood play, no bathroom play, no animals or children.
Our discussion turned to things we want to have happen. Here Mrs. AP reminded me of just how wonderful a sexual woman she is. Her fingers traced my lips, her voice a dusky whisper, as she said “I want to watch you slide those plump lips down his hard cock.” A surge of excitement rushed down my spine and wrapped around to grip my cock in a vice grip of anticipation that had me instantly hard and throbbing. Yes. A cock — his cock — between my lips and gliding across my tongue. I couldn’t do anything more to answer than nod and moan as I struggled to regain my voice. Mrs. AP smiled, that lusftul, warm smile full of pride and joy and lust and love that I’ve never seen look as beautiful as it does on her.
Her fingers trailed down my neck to my chest as she asked “And what do you want to have happen? It’s your birthday we’re planning. You can have whatever you want.” My voice caught for less than a second before I looked at her, my eyes and cheeks burning with lust. Deliberately, slowly, my voice throaty and bordering on a deep baritone, I recited what wishlist:
A couple weeks ago I got an email from my mother. In this email she explained part of her reasoning in how she’s trying to come to grips with my Bisexuality. For those who do not know, my mother is of a very deep conservative devout Lutheran nature. This nature has only been intensified since my father retired from the U.S. Air Force as a Lieutenant Colonel and immediately enrolled in Seminary to become a Pastor for the Lutheran Church Missouri Synod. His path to ordination saw him and my mother both become further entrenched in the religious dogma that is as close to Catholicism as a Protestant Denomination can be.
It is within this framework that my mother has advanced from the belief that all non-hetero-normative people are hellbound abominations of nature to this evolved belief instead: ” I believe that brain anomalies, chemistry imbalances, or dysfunctions are responsible for homo or bisexual feeling or desires.”
When I read that line, I screamed at the computer screen. A long string of obscenities poured forth from my mouth like the rushing floodwaters from a broken dam. Tears were a river down my face, dripping unceremoniously from my chin. I called Mrs. AP in hysterics, and only through her loving kindness and soothing tenderness was I able to reach a point where I was able to talk calmly again. I kicked Mrs. AP the email to get her thoughts, and did my absolute best to soak in her response and understand why these sentiments from my mother affected me so deeply.
He was even cuter in person than his pictures conveyed. Mrs. AP and I gave him hugs and sat down opposite him. We were late, and apologized profusely. It was my fault; my nap ran long. In short turn that ceased to matter. Conversation flowed smoothly. Those awkward pauses never materialized. Those uncomfortable silences never presented themselves. It was if we all just fell into that comfortable association that only comes when kindred spirits gather. It was warm and refreshing and exciting.
Nearly a week has passed. Between Mrs. AP and I we’ve both been talking to him nearly every night. He’s charming, intelligent, and our kind of geek. He’s different enough to bring an interesting addition to our existing dynamic. He’s similar enough for there to be a strong likelihood of good cohesion. Best of all, he makes us both smile. We’re putting together a scheme for a long night together at the end of the month or very early next month, conveniently near the anniversary of my birth.
Sometimes being Bi and Poly certainly has it’s advantages.
This was a Wicked Wednesday post. Visit the Wicked Wednesday page to see other participants.
Stay SINful, friends.
Mrs. AP and I have had many an interesting, sometimes frustrating conversation over the past few years regarding politics in the United States. When she first met me — and indeed for some time thereafter — I as very staunchly holding to the views I developed from being raised in a Southern, Military, Lutheran household. While not entirely on the right of the political spectrum, and in fact testing as a conservative-leaning Libertarian, I found myself more often identifying with the Republican Party than the Democratic Party on matters of spending, defense, and social programs. Where I vehemently disagreed was in matters regarding sexual and identity freedom, but thought that by tending to the GOP priorities first the road would more easily open for the social changes required for sex, gender, and orientation equality. I realize now that this view was misguided, a product of a misinformed youth and an ignorant, naive approach to life. Like many others, I find I can no longer balance the iniquities of the Republican Party against the good I assumed they could do. What changed in me that I can no longer, in good conscience, align myself with the ideologies of my yesteryears? In short, I finally matured.
Today is World Suicide Prevention Day. As one who has literally stood on the brink and looked over the edge, I feel compelled to mark this day and share my story. Below is an exact re-posting of a post from 29 May, 2012, titled It Gets Better and STOP Teenage Suicide.
I waited in my car in the parking lot, nervously hoping time would pass faster, hoping that his wife wouldn’t be home, hoping. Would he be as hot/pretty as his pictures? Would he actually show up? What if he didn’t show?
It was in moments like these that I gave serious, grave question to what I was doing. I was sitting in a parking lot waiting on another man so that we could both cheat on our respective wives. I shouldn’t be doing it. He should’t be doing it. No matter how much we tried to rationalize what we were doing — we were both Bi with unsupportive (or in his case, an unknowing) wives who wouldn’t entertain the ideas threesomes of swinging — I still couldn’t fully reconcile that with my deep, shameful feeling of being a lying, cheating bastard. Yet there I sat, unwilling to leave. Like any addict with a gnawing need, I wanted cock. I wanted his cock.
Despite knowing better, I engaged in a comment war on Facebook over the past 10 hours. The comments have been on a picture posted by a religious group, across which was written “God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve.” Despite how absolutely ridiculous and trite the phrasing of the statement sounds, the intention from the posting is very clear; God did not make gay people, nor any other kind of people, but instead only made straight people. This has led to a very exhaustive counter-argument on my part where I have knowingly broken my “don’t feed the trolls” mantra of online forum etiquette. Nevertheless, as one who identifies as part of the LGBTQ community and is becoming increasingly vocal in my support for the equal treatment of that community I could not in good conscience sit idly by as person after person praised the bigoted nature of this posting. Below are some of the thoughts I’ve taken away from this defense of my people. Fair warning: if you are a deeply devout Christian, I may be attacking parts of your faith. If this upsets you, move along now.
The ever fantastic Lily Lloyd posted a picture on FetLife (the social-networking site for kinky adults) showing the position of all current U.S. Presidential Candidates for 2012 in regards to equal marriage rights. The answers are based on survey results, which were in turn sent out by MarriageEquality.org. The latest results, well… I believe they speak for themselves.
Human beings are constructed to be social animals. We saw it in the tribes of old during the early years of Homo Erectus and Homo Sapiens, we saw it in the construction of ancient and medieval towns and cities, and we see it today in the increasing focus of population within large metropolitan areas. As socially constructed animals, we long to be not only near other people but also to be perceived as fitting within the socially accepted norm of those people. There are, as with any rule, exceptions to this rule, but even among those who run counter to accepted norms there is typically a theme of independence present — those with large amounts of sustainable wealth or those who support themselves via artistic talent maintain the ability to create a self-norm that is eventually accepted by the public at large as normal for that person, to the point where deviating from that created norm to the conventional public norm is then deemed impermissible. But what of us in the middle of the spectrum, who work 40 hour work weeks earning middle class incomes who don’t fit the traditionally assigned normative roles? What behavior patterns do we assume so as to not expose ourselves to inordinate risk?
I make no secret in this space that I consider myself Bi/Queer. Comments I’ve made on other blogs hold this fact in no secret either. While it took me some time to become comfortable with this aspect of my personality and my being, it took me much longer to fully come out, despite the the fact that I knew growing up that I liked boys and girls alike. I first started with very close friends in my early-mids 20’s, and I was up-front about it with my now ex-wife when she and I began dating. For nearly a decade, though, I held that part of myself secret from my parents and my brother. I knew, considering the environment in which I was raised and the religious proclivities of my parents, that such a revelation would prove disastrous to our relationship. Despite the very Christian claims of “Love the Sinner, hate the Sin” I knew from my experience in my early 20’s of my parents finding out that I don’t consider myself Christian that the amount of preaching about my “choices” would be a large contingent of every conversation we had for months, if not years, after I told them. I knew they would withdraw from me, and I from them; that I would, in effect, lose my family. Why, knowing this ahead of time, would I choose to come out instead of just keeping things quiet and following the established protocols? Why would I choose to alienate myself from people who might not be able to handle the news?
I have a bone to pick with every person out there on dating sites, swinger sites, BDSM sites, Adult Sites, and every other site in which one or more people are looking to find somebody sitting within a particular category or another of sexual or gender identity. For years, this term Bi-Curious has been available as an option, as if to indicate that a person is uncertain about one’s own proclivities until experience has been gained. This is the underlying concept with which I disagree, and the more I think about it, the stronger that disagreement becomes.
The whole concept behind Bi-Curious is that one does not “Really Know” if one likes members of the same sex until one has attempted some sort of sexual interaction. This concept is bullshit. Complete, utter, inane, homophobic bullshit.
You may be thinking, “but that can’t be bullshit! How can you really know until you try it?” You want to know how? You really need me to tell you how the label of Bi-Curious is an stinking pile of logical fallacy?
My last 2 entries in the 30 Days of Truth series got me thinking quite a good deal about the struggles I’ve faced throughout my life, and in particular about how I often felt incredibly lonely, alone, and misunderstood as a teenager. While I am absolutely certain this is true of nearly every teenager on the planet — after all, shifting hormonal levels combined with re-appropriations of neural pathways as the brain circuitry is re-wired is enough to cause frustration in anybody — it is no small secret that teenagers who identify anywhere within the LGBTQ spectrum face more isolation and persecution than any other demographic subset, especially in conservative or fundamentalist countries (or sections of countries, such as the Southeastern United States). A great deal of evidence supports this, but even without the evidence, I know how that struggle feels. As trite and cliche and overused as the phrase may be, I have been there and yes, it does get better.
I am living proof that it gets better. Nor am I alone in this proof. Dan Savage started the It Gets Better Project. At the time of this writing there are 520,703 people who have pledged to support and spread the word about the IGB Project, myself included. This is an absolutely invaluable resource for ANY person within the LGBTQ community who feels lost, alone, isolated, depressed, or in despair. Featured front and center on the site are videos from people who have face the same struggles and found a way through to the other side (no, I am not among that number [yet?]) to find something bigger and brighter. These people were shunned, beaten, persecuted, isolated, excommunicated, and whatnot, but they got through it. They found love and support and happiness. If the videos are not inspirational enough, however, at the top of the page is the link to Get Help, wherein is the number to the Trevor Project along with a drop-down box to select each U.S. State, which results in displaying every available help group and center in the state. Within my current state of Florida there are 49 entries listed!