An Absinthe-Loving, Polyamorous, Kinky, Sex-Positive Couple talk about all things Sex, Kink, and LGBTQ.

How Very Queer

Day 2 of #JanuaryJumpstart! Yesterday felt pretty good, let’s see how we do today, shall we? (I’ll be honest here folks, I don’t know if there are prompts for this or not, so I’m running off internal inspiration here.)

I’ve had Queerness on my mind a great deal of late. Between watching TV shows and films that feature Queer characters, to having many close friends come out in various ways, I’ve had a lot of Queerness in my life, and friends, it has been delightful! But it’s left me wondering … how, in a time of a pandemic, when I’m not seeing anybody outside my immediate household in an effort to keep the young and the immunocompromised from being unnecessarily exposed, do I celebrate my own Queerness?

Also, I feel compelled here to mention that being Queer, to me, means not being a straight, cisgender person. Whether you’re Gay, Bi, Pan, Trans, Demi, Ace, or any other sexual or gender alignment that would be stacked by a talking head from a pulpit or a conservative talk radio station, you’re Queer in my eyes. If that’s not a label you would like used in reference to you, by all means, please correct me or anybody else who is incorrect. I will be happy to be corrected, and to use the terminology you prefer.

With that out of the way, let’s explore, shall we?

So in case you’re new here, hello! I’m Mr. AbsinthePassion. I’m a Bisexual, Polyamorous, CisGender Switch guy, which I often shorten to “I’m Queer as fuck!”. I’m married to a CisGender, Polyamorous Switch gal who is still exploring her alignments but has felt nearly close to Demisexual and Heteroflexible over the 12 years we’ve been together, so she, too, is Queer as fuck! It’s pretty awesome, we think, but in what ways do we explore that awesomeness together, or separately, in A Time of COVID?

Yesterday’s post was a good example; we find time to, somehow, in a house full of people that puts privacy at a premium, have sexual encounters that are more than just me burying my penis inside her vagina and thrusting a few times before collapsing in climax. We explore each other using hands and lips, and sometimes toys, and me reaching orgasm doesn’t mean our play time is over. While our naked time together can be short and feel rushed sometimes, we still use it as a time to reconnect and be present with each other instead of just going at it like eager teenagers. That’s only one aspect of our relationship, though.

One of the things I’ve had to constantly keep learning and relearning and working on is that emotional intimacy is just as important as physical intimacy, and that’s a far more difficult skill for me to learn. Talking openly about feelings and how we’re processing things was something I learned in previous relationships to avoid to help keep the peace, and a dozen years after being with Mrs. AP I still often find myself struggling with that. I think I was really good about it for the first few years, though, and I think my busy period with this writing space helped with that during my more active years, so maybe more writing here will help with that?

Still, I work hard to no be the stereotypical guy who just keeps everything bottled up. I try — though Mrs. AP will likely say I don’t do this often enough — to talk about what and how I’m feeling, and the ways we can ease any frustrations or anxieties. It’s not always an easy process for me. I often get stuck in my heads, with the thoughts swirling and refusing to coalesce into something coherent. Again, anxiety. When I can break free of it, goodness, can I be as open as a 24 hour pharmacy. There are ways to help break that, and sometimes I’m even good at employing them.

Aside from the two aforementioned areas, though, one of the things Mrs. AP and I both enjoy together is watching media with a medium to high presence of Queer characters. “Sense8” and “Queer Eye” on Netflix both come to mind, as does “Start Trek: Discovery” on Paramount Plus. Finding a show with a prominent Bisexual, Male-presenting character has been difficult, though; the most well known such character to me is Jack Harkness on “Doctor Who”, and he’s … well, he’s just as often played on the edge of inanity as he is for seriousness. Still, seeing two characters who would have never be allowed a romance two or three decades ago be shown as complete, complex characters who just happen to also be Not Straight warms every deep recess of my heart. Crying is inevitable.

I just love a happy, Queer ending.

Which is, I suppose, one of the best ways to celebrate Queerness. Take joy and pride in the love in all (consensual) forms. Watch the shows that celebrate Queer people, especially of they’re Black, Indigenous, and/or Of Color. Rejoice in the triumphs of your Queer friends; help them navigate their troubles. Be present in their lives, and if you’re Queer and privileged to be able to be Out safely, be as authentic as you can be. Together, we can help bring about a world where nobody need ever fear being Queer.

Stay SINful, friends.

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