An Absinthe-Loving, Polyamorous, Kinky, Sex-Positive Couple talk about all things Sex, Kink, and LGBTQ.

T.M.I. Tuesday – How’s It Going?

Time for another edition of T.M.I. Tuesday!  Click below to see how well I performed!
How’s it going–you know,
your relationship?

couple_tmi

1. How did you realize an important relationship (romantic, friendship, business) was over? What was the pivotal moment or statement?

This may be the easiest of the TM.I. questions to answer this week.  It is burned into my memory, despite all my attempts to be rid of it, and it came from my ex-wife.

I was laying in bed one night.  It was August, I’d recently been let go from work, I was struggling to find a new job, and I’d been struggling to get her to connect with me.  As I started to try to explain, again, how I felt like I was being neglected and ignored, she said “Listen, I know you’re unhappy, but I don’t want to hear about it.  I don’t need that stress.”  She then promptly rolled over and went to sleep.

I lay awake in bed for three hours, her words caught in an endless loop, crashing upon my psyche like wave after tsunamic wave.  Sleep eluded me to the point that I finally abandoned it, and got up to clean the kitchen for the next 4 hours.  That specific point was when I knew that I was no longer her husband, or even somebody she pretended to love, or even care about.  We were over.  She just didn’t know it yet.

 

2. Relationship strategy–do you have one? Share.

Mrs. AP and I are open and honest with each other, or at least we try to be.  I’ve been having difficulty these past 15 months with keeping my thoughts in order, and with losing myself into electronic devices, so that remembering what I’ve told her and what I’ve not don’t a lways match with reality.  We talk about that, too, and are working together to help me regain my focus and retention.  She, too, has been struggling with keeping pace with the breakneck speed of life, but I think we’re finally hitting that point where things can calm down and slip into more manageable routines.  We keep reminding each other that as long as we work together and trust in one another that we can overcome anything, because we already have.

3. Name two things you appreciate about your current relationship. Why are these things significant? (If not currently in a relationship, feel free to refer to your best relationship)

First and foremost is how hard Mrs. AP works to take care of the family.  I forget things, the kids forget things, food has to be replenished, correspondences need to be made, schedules need to be coordinated, and somehow she gets it all done.  She is a genuine domestic goddess.

Right behind that is how understanding Mrs. AP is sexually, while always remaining grounded.  If I mention a new kink in which I’m interested in pursuing, she finds safe and sane ways for us to do so.  When curiosity kicks in hard to have a new experience, she’s right there, supporting me.  When her libido kicks into overdrive and she just has to have me in any way she can, she takes charge and flips my subby switch and has her way with me.  She is never one to turn me down of anything reasonable, and sometimes surprises me with helping fulfill fantasies I’d never dreamed I’d see come to pass.  Truly, she is a divine sex goddess.

 

4. In your relationship, do you compromise:
a. a little
b. never – I usually get my way
c. too much, it helps keep the peace

I’d say we both compromise, and generally equally.  Most of the time Mrs. AP and I align on what we want, whether it’s something simple like dinner or it’s more complex like wanting to find a sexy man to join us for a long-term polyfidelitous Triad.  Some days, weeks, or even months Mrs. AP probably compromises more than me, other times I’m giving in.  We both suffer terribly from wanting to make the other happy, which, while seldom, does occasionally result in the carousel of asking “well, what do YOU want to do?”  As relationship struggles go, though, I’ll take it.

5. If you went to couple’s therapy, which of these are you most likely to have a need to discuss:
a. My significant other feels more like a roommate.
b. Sex is uncomfortable.
c. My partner doesn’t know what I like in bed.
d. “Forget sex! We barely touch.”

I confess, there have been far too many times these past two years where I have led Mrs. AP to feel like a convenient roommate than I have treated her as a wife, my beloved, the woman for whom I lust and with whom I am in love.  We’re both healing from the traumatic events early last year of me very nearly dying several times over, and that took a great deal of my spark and vibrancy away.  It’s made me dull, and inattentive, far too often.  As mentioned above, however, I am working on combating that and hopefully getting better every day.

Bonus: Below is a list of extreme sports. You must pick one sport to try. Why would you do that sport?
1. skydiving
2. volcano diving
3. zip-lining through a jungle
4. bungee jumping

I want to skydive.  It’s been a dream of mine since before puberty kicked in, and has never truly gone away.  It’s the closest thing one can get to flying … except for those times when Mrs. AP and I bond so hard during sex that we fly throughout creation helping new universes spring to life.

————

How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Happy TMI Tuesday!

Stay SINful, friends

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2 responses

  1. “She is never one to turn me down on anything reasonable, and sometimes surprises me with helping fulfil fantasies I’d never dreamed I’d see come to pass.’ ~ I’m so jealous! 🙂
    “When her libido kicks into overdrive and she just has to have me in any way she can…” ~ see that’s my problem right there. Her libido is gone (or not firing up for me).

    October 25, 2016 at 8:22 am

    • Oh Nero, I am so sorry to hear that. That’s what my first marriage devolved to, and far too rapidly. No amount of talking with my ex-wife ever led to anything constructive for that.

      Have you talked about how you’re feeling? About your wants, needs, desires, and fantasies? Have you tried focusing on her until she opens back up? What about counseling? Is ethical non-monogamy an option?

      As one who’s been there and suffered, I completely empathize and sympathize and sincerely hope you find a working solution soon.

      Stay SINful.

      October 25, 2016 at 9:26 am

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