An Absinthe-Loving, Polyamorous, Kinky, Sex-Positive Couple talk about all things Sex, Kink, and LGBTQ.

Getting to Know Yourself

Demisexual.

It’s a fun word.  Until recently I’d not heard of it, but it started coming up in some reading Mrs. AP and I had been doing, and we being the ever curious types, we looked it up.  According to the Demisexual Resource Center, demisexuality is defined as

a sexual orientation in which someone feels sexual attraction only to people with whom they have an emotional bond. Most demisexuals feel sexual attraction rarely compared to the general population, and some have little to no interest in sexual activity.

As you well know if you’ve read any of the tales of the sexual exploits and explorations in which Mrs. AP and I have endeavored together, the latter half of that definiion — “some have little to no interest in sexual activity” — is not applicable to Mrs. AP or myself.  We are delightfully sexually vibrant (well, not always, but we all have our down times, don’t we?)  However, when Mrs. AP read the first part of that definition she had to stop reading and collect herself.  In stunned meditation she processed what she had read, then read it again carefully to confirm she’d not missed anything, before quietly saying “… that’s me!”

I believe this revelation helps us refocus on who we are as individuals and as a couple, and how to tie that in with my previous post — because we’ve had no luck so far finding a wonderful man for us to date. It also means there’s some reorganizing with our online profiles.
First and foremost, understanding that Mrs. AP requires that emotional connection sheds a great deal of light on her reticence to visit Eyz Wide Shut our first time and why we never returned; such a casual establishment isn’t the place in which Mrs. AP would really develop an attachment to somebody.  When we talked about that, she said she enjoyed herself because she could see that I was enjoying myself.  Her emotional attachment to me allowed her to gain pleasure from seeing me enjoying the experience. (Okay, and the other guy had talented hands.)

As this understanding of how Mrs. AP “ticks” sunk further, I reexamined all of our profiles and realized that holding an SLS account wasn’t doing us any favors; we’ve never connected with anybody from there, and Mrs. AP isn’t casual enough a person to want to really explore via that site.  As such, that account is now deleted.  It’s not who we are anymore, if it ever really was.

Okay, it never really was.

Moving forward, we both have to find the time and energy to update our OKC and FetLife profiles.  We’ve needed to do so for quite some time, really.  Neither of us are the same people we were when this blog started over four years ago.  We’ve moved several times, I’ve changed job a few times, we’ve had a child, we’ve had roommates come and go, we’ve had lovers come and go — and one recently return from out of state, so here’s hoping we can reconnect in some fashion soon — which all culminates it personal growth and change that probably isn’t reflected well in our profiles.

I also recently received from excellent advice from one of my “favorite people I’ve yet to meet”, which was “Do what makes you & your wife happy & the people meant to be in your lives will come.” She’s right, we should, and with this greater understanding of ourselves and our relationship styles, we will most certainly do that.

Stay SINful, friends.

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