We were alone in our hotel room. No children, roommates, or pets around to cause distractions. We had the “Rock Star Suite”, which wasn’t so much a suite as it was a standard room, but it was a room without a window, which meant we didn’t even have a view of the city to distract us. We had little or as much light as we wanted. Most importantly, we had each other. In our brief freedom from the rest of the world, we were going to do some exploring of one another, and in the process of doing so would hope to add a new staple item to our sexual repertoire.
We started with watching a video Mrs. AP had found that went over some of the more technical details. I paid close attention, mildly turned on and responding by rising some to the occasion, but more caught in absorbing most of the presented knowledge as possible. This was important, and a big step if we could achieve our goal. As such, I wanted to do my best, not only for her pleasure but also for my pride.
Video complete, we moved her laptop over to the nightstand. Mrs. AP lay back, her nude body almost glowing in the soft light. Her large, firm breasts rose and fell with each breath as she looked at me expectantly. My hands trailed up her body, caressing her long legs, teasing her thighs, tracing up her stomach, and finally cupping her breasts. I pinched her nipples, rolling them between my forceful fingers. I squeezed her breasts, massaging them as I kept a tight grip on her hardening nipples. Leaning forward I captured her mouth with mine and poured every ounce of passion I had within me into claiming her lips, her tongue, her breath as mine. We melted into each other as I slid my right hand down her body, slowly, fingers gliding over every available inch. My hand reached the top of her mound, where I could feel the heat rising from her. Further down, fingertips brushing against her clit and down, down, until my hand cupped her pussy. Slowly my finger slid inside her lips, feeling her open and yearning for me, hot and wet and waiting.
Pardon the alliteration, friends, but I’m feeling whimsical. You’ll forgive me, yes?
I stumbled this morning on an excellent piece hosted on the Huffington Post titled “For Bi Guys Thinking of Coming Out” by author Patrick RichardsFink. If you have not already, please go read the piece. Regardless of your gender or sexual identity there are some incredible insights found within the piece, particularly in dealing with the preconceptions most people still carry about sexuality and gender identity being based within the binary normative structure of gay/straight, male/female.
As I have mentioned repeatedly in my writings, I knew comparatively early in my life that I am Bi Male. Additionally, I came to realize later in life that I am also a Queer Male. In my further explorations into the roles of gender and sexual identity as parcel to development and establishing meaningful interpersonal relationships, I have had to undo the same kind of binary thinking still prevalent in modern Western society. Sexuality and Gender are not necessarily static, but may instead exist on a dynamic continuum. It is with this greater understanding, both externally and internally of the fluidity of self-expression, that led me to the belief that Bi-Curiosity is a misnomer, a stumbling block upon the path to actualization. The conversation is not as simple as there being two sides to a coin, but is instead as multifaceted as a Princess-cut diamond. This complexity requires adopting not only a new approach to coming out but also a new mindset to those still within the binary-normative structure.
I feel compelled to write something meaningful and clever and brilliant. To put forth a diatribe on a subject so scathingly polarizing that the annals of history will reference it in years long distant from now as a turning point in the evolution of human history. After all, history is made by the acts of one person expanding and becoming greater than the person. Evidence: Rosa Parks. Benjamin Franklin. Harvey Milk.
Alas, my brain has no such grand expositions readily available at this time. Instead it feels poised, waiting for some brilliant revelation. Whereas I know simply standing back and waiting for life to come to me will never get me anywhere, there is merit in taking a moment to stand and absorb everything that is around in a moment of contemplation and, perhaps, meditation.
Consider this my writing zazen.
Along with the historic votes on Marriage Equality in four states in the United States in November, 2012 also came two historic decriminalization measures passed in the stats of Colorado and Washington. With the passing of these measures there now exists the regulated control of previously illegal substances — specifically marijuana, which is still illegal at the federal level — with which consenting adults can choose to alter their mental states. Until a recent bout of agony did I begin to understand the appeal.
Dating is a confusing enough subject between only 2 people these days. If it wasn’t, there wouldn’t be things like college lectures on how hook-up culture is killing dating. Run a Google Search for Modern Dating, and the top results include multiple posts via the Huffington Post and a (self serving?) post on Match.com. Nearly every magazine available in the checkout line at the larger grocery stores include articles on how to date, how to look best for the first date, how to behave on the first date, how to hold attention after the first date, etc. Constantly there is this bombardment on how and why and when and who to date. The endless barrage of information is maddening.
This is made even more difficult trying to be a Poly couple in search of the elusive Single Bi Male. Mrs. AP and I have been looking, either actively or passively, for the better part of 18 months now. We’ve been more dedicated at some times than others, of course. Our search is, however, hindered by the fact that we can’t simply follow the traditional in-person routine that two single people can. Bars are, essentially, out, which is fine as we don’t really frequent them anyway. We could theoretically meet somebody out at the club, or even at a restaurant or diner or store, but having to explain Poly to somebody who’s never heard of it — in person — leads to more ludicrous looks than is often worth them time. Thus, relying on various online social and dating sites is the fallback on which we need rely.
We’ve had some luck through them. We met Our Crush online first, and have since arranged all three of our dates that way. So far it seems to be working. It is also mildly exhausting. Mrs. AP put it best the other night when she asked if we can just move beyond the dating stage to the relationship stage. She’s right, of course, in that knowing how to act and react inside an established relationship is easier when one (or two) has been out of The Dating Game for as long as we have. Traditional timing and molds don’t seem to carry over in a one to one ratio. Pace, expectation, and the timeline of the relationship all seem to get thrown into a state of turmoil. Lily Lloyd of theblackletherbelt.com calls it The Relationship Escalator. To quote her:
The escalator looks something like this:
> Dating > Sex > Moving In Together > Getting Married > Getting a Mortgage > Having Kids
This progression doesn’t work — may not even be possible to work — when it comes to Mrs. AP and I looking for a potential long-term member of what may very well become a Poly Triad. Restrictions are in place in many ways. Legally, at least within the United States, we may never be able to progress as a Triad from the “Moving in Together” stage to the “Getting Married” stage. The legal standings for such a Marriage are, at best, tenuous. That doesn’t necessarily prevent skipping that stage to the “Getting a Mortgage” part, but in this economy that’s more a pipe dream than anything else. As for kids, Mrs. AP and I already have several children between us in addition to our devastating miscarriage together just a few months ago. We’re not getting any younger, either; the likelihood of complications arising are a notable, worrisome prospect. What, then, is a Poly couple who’s met a wonderfully compatible third person to do?
Today is a day of celebration.
Today marks the celebration of the life and aspirations of Reverend Doctor Martin Luther King, Jr., who sought for unity and equality among all people.
Today also marks the second public memorial inauguration of President Obama, who has worked toward realizing the dreams of Reverend Doctor Martin Luther King, Jr.
Regardless of your race, your creed, your orientation, your household status, your heritage, your partnered status, your age, your sex, your gender, or any other qualifying label under which you may place yourself, remember this: until we all hold the same protection under the law, until we all seek to protect the oppressed, the frail, the wounded, and the persecuted — indeed, until we all rise up in love and hope — we all stand to fail.
Choose love and help fulfill a dream.
Stay SINful, friends.
In the past two weeks Mrs. AP and I have had two dates with Our Crush. In both cases what started out as short dates evolved into very long amounts of time spent over at his place, with a great deal of making out involved. The first date, in fact, lasted ten hours, the last two to three hours of which were spent with a great deal of kissing and neck nibbling and running fingernails up and down various body parts… all without any clothing being removed. The second date at his house did lead to all clothing on all parties eventually coming off, but only after yet another long period of making out and teasing and foreplay.
Mrs. AP and I have our fair share of threesomes with another man under our collective belt, considering our long-held Triad with her soon-to-be-ex-husband and our dalliances with both Our Well Hung Lover and a long standing friend of hers, but never before have either of us — nor Our Crush, if I guess correctly — been involved in a scenario where there was truly equal attention and desire among all three people. Each of us wanted, desired, and gave attention to the other two freely and equally without need of conscious thought toward the matter. It was more a matter of each of us not being able to get enough of the other two than any one of us feeling pressured to give attention to one of the other people. We were the closest to a true Triad I’ve ever experienced, with lines of energy connected each of the three pairs of us — him and her; her and me; him and me — along with a continuous loop connecting us all that was exhilarating and powerful. I wrote once of wanting the kind of Triad where each of us makes the other two stronger; I got a taste of what that can be like as we all rolled around in bed together.
Goodness, has the past week been brutal for the LGTBQ and Polyamorous communitie.
Really, why can’t we all just take heed of the wisdom of Depeche Mode?
I know I do not post often and I am sorry for that dear readers. This is really my first posting as a writer to our beloved Blog. While I help my other half often in his writings I just have not gotten around to posting my self. I am very active on other forums and boards and I guess I need to move some of that activity here as well.
You may be asking your self what got me in such a tizzy that I found the need to start posting here and invade our blog out of the blue. Well I was doing a bit of reading on the net and as one of my habits I read Savage Love. Well , one of his recent contributions to his column was simply lacking in many very very important things ( details given below) . I feel if you are going to put your self out there in the world as someone to go to for information, advice and such that when you do so, well You should do it properly and if you are unsure FACT CHECK FIRST!! With that said.. I felt compelled to send him a letter about this bit of writing that he did. Mr. AP found it so profound that he requested all night that I bring it to the masses as an open Letter so here its is peeps!
Hello Dan Savage,
I am a very long time reader of your column and often refer people over to it as well as reference it not only in conversations, but in our own blog as well as many other sites that we are members of. Today, I went to catch up on my Savage Love and to my total dismay, my favorite sex positive writer missed a step. I was a bit taken back when reading the post labled “Three-way Relationship Intrigues Oblivious Straights” … I totally understand where this gentleman was coming from and found him to be rather open minded and forthcoming of him to have found this Triad to be “cool people” … Where I was shocked was in your response.. or LACK there of in this case. Yes you covered some of the questions that he asked but seemed to have left out one very VITAL detail.. there IS a common term that is accepted world wide by all sexual orientations being, that they were practicing Polyamory and from the sounds of it, had a long term Polyfidelitous relationships.. You went on to bulk at “some” for being of the mind set that it’s ” bad PR at a time when gay couples are fighting for the right to marry.” I feel you really did the same thing for all of the gay, straight and bisexual communities in neglecting to use the correct terminology .
Poly relationships are found through out time and while the term Polyamory really only dates back to about the 1970’s there has been documented proof through all of person kind, since people started taking records of such things. If the common goal is to grow a better understand of the world and each other and there for breed understanding and knowledge, it is of great importance to use the proper terminologically when speaking about these matters and “educating” the masses. Sadly, I see this a a massive missed opportunity that could have brought light to a lot of peoples lives. With your post, people will likely google “throuples” and sadly will miss out on a lot of very good, very interesting information that is out there as well as the communities that Poly based relationships are involved in. They will never see that it is Legal for a Poly relationship to marry in Holland and a few other places in the EU, they will never see that if they move to the UK, that while they can not marry there as a triad that if there were married in a place where it is legal that the UK will honor their marriage and their rights. They will never see the little known fact that their was a loop hole in California law that prop 8 killed that allowed for a 3rd person to join a per-existing marriage. They will never see that Poly comes in all sorts of flavors and colors from two “couples” joining to forma quad to triads and so on.
There are a lot of people in the world who feel lost in their feelings and sexual identity as well as orientation. While Poly may not be an answer for some of these people it could truly allow some to finely feel like them selves and loved for who they are and how they really want to live their life. While not the only “group” massive impacted by this topic I think it is one that get the “hate” on is the Bisexuals. While, I , myself am not Bisexual my Fiance is. I have heard and see the hate that flies in his direction on a regular basis. The bulk of the Gay community still likes to soap box on that Bisexual males are just gay and have not come to terms with it yet, while the bulk of the hetro community will not only soap box on that but then will slander them for being sluts, creeps and perverts as well as cheaters whom cant have a ” normal ” relationship. While a lot of bisexuals can have a relationship and be happy on one side of the fence or the other there are also a lot that can’t. They end up feeling like they are not being true to them self or are being limited in what their lives can be and because no one speaks up from them or the Poly community they just don’t know that it exist. They don’t have a name for whats in their head and heart, where to start looking for information and end up feeling like there is something wrong with them and that they must fit in some mold that was made for ether Dick and Jane, Dick and Dick or Jane and Jane and thats just not fair. I feel it is pretictualry hard for bisexual men as apposed to bisexual woman who are found by the main stream to be “cute” or highly coveted by some males for the “3 some” side for their mind set. Most Bi Males are too scared to be shunned by their friends and families to speak up, much less have anyone to talk to about what they are felling. If they have a gay friend that they open up too odds are they are told that they are gay and just in not willing to admit it yet. If they have a straight friend or GF whom they can open up to about it odds are they will get turned on , freaked out on and left in the dust begging them not to out them. At least if some of them know about the poly community they might at least be able to find people they could talk to who have, do and can walk and live on both sides of the fence in a great many ways.
I beg of you to consider writing a follow up piece addressing the proper terminology and community that this letter was written to you about. I feel that a great deal of people of all sexual orientations would benefit from it , learn and maybe even grow as people them selves or at least some level of tolerance when they encounter it in the “real” world.
His column can be viewed here > http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?oid=15701114 and the posting for this was on Jan 9th 2013
Tonight at work I was shaken by having to deal with some very outspoken white male bigots. I heard one in particular shouting at somebody over the phone (and I beg you, please, excuse the language) “listen to me, you fucking nigger!” Several people in the group laughed, showing genuine amusement at the use of such a negative racial epithet. The same person performing the shouting later remarked that one of the members in the group was “a long-haired faggot” because he was neither drinking with the rest nor had any means of lending assistance to their situation. Again, members of the group laughed, but I could see the pain flicker in the eyes of the victim of the verbal abuse. He knew his compatriots were in the wrong, and attempted several times to apologize in their defense. I felt sad for him. He felt intrinsically complicit in the vitriloic behavior of his comrades yet seemed to me to appear powerless to stop it in that moment. I wished them well, him most of all, and left them to their own devices.
In a similar fashion, there was evidently quite the uproar at the end of last week over some very contentious articles written for various UK publications. The Trans community took offense to some writing by one authori in particular, who in turn rebuked the commenters via what I understand to be ad hominem attacks. This led to attacks on both sides, and spilled forth from there into more public forums. Both sides handled things particularly badly, but some good seems to be coming of the incident. In particular are those providing details of attacks they have suffered from the medical and media communities in addition to private persecution for having the courage to be resolute in becoming inwardly and outwardly comfortable with themselves. The fact that those in the Trans community suffer persecution, particularly in the form of violence, is no secret. What is surprising is how blind to that fact so many people seem to (willingly?) be.
Three years ago I had my first date with Mrs. AP. My life changed for the better that day. I could never ask for a more wonderful, loving, caring, supportive, sexual, sensual, intelligent, witty, charming, enlightening partner. Even if I did ask, the search results would come back blank. Mrs. AP is the perfect woman for me. I’m ever so glad she found me.
Mrs. AP, My Love, I’ve said it before and I say it again; I’m yours, always for forever. Thank you for taking a chance on me, and for letting me take one with you. The returns have been beyond anything I could ever have imagined I deserved, but you’ve taught me that I deserve the best. I found the best in you. I love you with everything within me.
Stay SINful, friends.
I’m trying something new this week. There’s something started bumbling around in my brain and I’m going to see how well it looks once it comes out. For the first time ever, may I present a bit of erotic fiction:
This week’s T.M.I. Tuesday (courtesy of http://tmituesdayblog.wordpress.com/) celebrates Rabbits! Okay, not exactly, but that’s the title this week. Answers are provided by both Mrs. AP and myself for the first time ever! Want to read more? Come on down! (more…)
If you’ve been following the news at all — and I don’t blame you if you don’t anymore, it’s downright depressing how inhumane people can be toward one another — then you’ve likely seen coverage relating to the Hacktivist group Anonymous releasing information regarding a rape case in Steubenville, Ohio. During this case, a group of teenagers known as The Rape Crew documented two high school football players raping an unconscous 16-year old girl. Things have not been pretty since. Outrage has been growing concerning the handling of the investigation by local law enforcement, and has again sparked a discussion about the seeming culture of rape in the United States, wherein victims are often ridiculed or challenged to “not entice attack” by refusing to “dress like a slut.” Incomprehensibly, the accused often faces less ridicule than the accuser, and it seems the more athletic the accused or the higher the accused’s profile, the less chance any type of charge will stick.
As has been documented ad nauseum, victims of sexual and domestic abuse almost always know their attackers. Many often live with those same attackers. It is for that reason that the National Domestic Abuse Hotline immediately notifies anybody visiting the website that connections and internet traffic can be monitored and offers an immediate escape option for somebody who absolutely cannot be caught visiting. While it is a sad fact that some people live in constant, debilitating fear of physical harm by somebody with whom they live, that fact persists nonetheless. Victims of assault come in every sex, gender, age, race, color, and creed. This is a sad, cruel fact from which we often shy but should never forget.
But what about other forms of abuse; forms that cannot easily be quantified or substantiated? Forms that do not leave bruises or abrasions or scrapes or cuts? Forms that cannot be documented easily and presented to law enforcement for the use of building a criminal case? What happens — what does one do — when that abuse is invisible, but nonetheless deadly? It wasn’t three years ago I was asking myself those very questions.
All of us, regardless of background, can trace many of our adult behaviors to either the environment in which we were raised or the character of those who helped raise us, if not both. While there are exceptions to all cases, generally speaking somebody who is raised in an abusive environment will seek escape from the reality of that environment in some form of self-destructive behavior, which then carries on into adulthood. Similarly, a person who is raised in a protected environment may be ignorant of some of the dangers posed by a less gentle, less forgiving segment of society. Those raised in areas in which overt racism is present may be more aware of the effects of how prejudices alter perception, and those raised in areas free of such societal pressures may not understand how deeply run the roots of those prejudices may lie.
I’ve spoken of it before, but for those unaware, the vast majority of my life has been spent living in states south of the Mason-Dixon Line. Additionally, my parents are devout Lutheran Christians, which meant I spent a good portion of my weekends and my afternoons during the Advent and Lent seasons inside a church building. The combination of living in the Buckle of the Bible Belt with deeply devout parents meant that I was nearly always surrounded by people who believed to their deepest cores that the Christian Bible is irrefutably sacrosanct, literally true, and an absolute guide for moral behavior. This belief extended to most major areas of notable Conservative dispute, particularly the areas surrounding evolution and human sexuality. I was taught to belief — and encouraged when reciting or defending the belief — that evolution is not scientifically valid and that humans lived alongside dinosaurs. Any belief in the evidence provided by the fossil record was disputed or discarded simply because it did not fit within dogmatic. Simply put, the scientific method was considered irrelevant and, in a fashion that seems to be uniquely American, cast aside not to be thoughtfully discussed.
As I look back to that time in my life, I often feel shame at being sucked into the arguments provided. My blind faith in the absolute correctness of the Biblical accounts of things being the only way “things could have happened” was borderline fanatical, and impervious to rational arguments challenging my beliefs. Thankfully, my parents taught me to be discerning and thoughtful and to never stop reading, which led to broadening my lens and finding additional information that debunked and thoroughly refuted my prior beliefs. My hypothesis had been wrong, and when presented with overwhelming evidence I was forced to adjust my beliefs to better hold with the evidentiary truth. In just such a manner was I also forced to adjust my views on human sexuality.
Mrs. AP and I had been up half the night, and were lounging in bed naked (as we tend to do, since we sleep in the nude) looking up some things online when Our Crush came online. She and he quickly struck up a conversation, and she rolled onto her side leaning forward some to get a better angle from which to type. She did this while I was up re-arranging some clothing in the room, and I turned and saw her laying there… half displayed… right leg out straight… left leg tucked up for support… her breasts spilling forth, alight from the glow of her computer screen. I was dumbstruck, awed, and instantly aroused. I shut and locked the door and slid up the bed, straddling her leg, and snuggled in tight on her ass. I took great care to position my hips so that my throbbing cock brushed her bare pussy. She giggled and wiggled her hips against me, still typing with Our Crush. I lifted my hips and slid down ever so slightly and changed my angle, now resting the head of my cock against her moistening lips. She pushed back against me, stopped typing, and turned to look at me.
“You do realize I’m having a conversation with Our Crush, right?” she asked teasingly, her eyes sparkling with mischief.
“Oh, I know. Let’s see if you can keep that up while I have my way with you,” I replied coyly.
She paused and looked at for a moment, as if examining if I was serious or not. I met her eyes with mine, sure to let her see the playfulness and desire mingling there. She must have seen it, because she smiled, turned, and went back to typing. As her hands hit the keyboard again she quipped, “Okay, but I don’t know how well I’ll be able to do this. You tend to steal all my focus!”
She gasped her last word as I pressed the head of my cock inside her, letting it rest just inside her hot entrance. Moaning and gasping she dropped her head a moment before raising it and attempting to maintain her conversation with Our Crush. She began dropping innuendos, flirting with him as I slowly rocked my hips back and forth, sliding a fraction of an inch deeper inside her with every thrust. Every push from my hips elicited another moan and gasp from us both. In this position she was tighter than usual, with her legs pressed tightly together, so I took my time burying myself completely inside her. After a few minutes my hips could get no closer, my cock could get no deeper. We were as joined as can be, rocking together in a tight embrace as she fought valiantly to not ignore Our Crush. My hips moved slowly faster, my thrusts gaining insistence and momentum. The game now was to see how well I could distract her without building up the distraction too quickly. Her fingers struggled on the keys. Her pauses to gasp and moan became longer and more frequent. Her flirtations grew stronger. Her pussy became more wet, more hot, and more tight.
Today is a happy day here in my little corner of the internet, SINful friends, for my journey as a Sex Blogger has run around full circle.
As I’ve detailed a few times, I got the idea to begin my own blog after following breadcrumbs from the wonderful Kissin Blue Karen, upon whom Mrs. AP had stumbled while looking up info on our local Swingers Club Eyz Wide Shut. Karen had recently been featured on a list of the sexiest bloggers of 2011, and by following that link I found other powerful, confident, vulnerable, normal people who shared their thoughts, experiences, and explorations of all things sexual. I found kindred spirits, most profoundly in the (now silent) Our Open Marriage Adventures and What’s In A Name. I found my voice. After running the idea past Mrs. AP, AbSINthe Passion was born.
Today that same site through which I found other wonderful blogs was updated for 2012. I am deeply humbled and honoured to find myself among those chosen as The Sexiest Blogs of 2012. I feel like the loop has closed; the list through which I found others now includes myself. The idea rather makes my head spin. More to my delight, however, is how many of my fellow bloggers — bloggers whom I follow regularly and consider to be friends — also made the list. Please, visit the list and explore somebody new, or revisit old friends. Every author on that list — and thank you Red Region for compiling this list year after year! — is a strong, powerful voice that never fails to provide a new and wonderful perspective.
Also, the variety is quite sexy.
Stay SINful, friends.