An Absinthe-Loving, Polyamorous, Kinky, Sex-Positive Couple talk about all things Sex, Kink, and LGBTQ.

Archive for January, 2013

Time to Change the Sheets

We were alone in our hotel room.  No children, roommates, or pets around to cause distractions.  We had the “Rock Star Suite”, which wasn’t so much a suite as it was a standard room, but it was a room without a window, which meant we didn’t even have a view of the city to distract us.  We had  little or as much light as we wanted.  Most importantly, we had each other.  In our brief freedom from the rest of the world, we were going to do some exploring of one another, and in the process of doing so would hope to add a new staple item to our sexual repertoire.

We started with watching a video Mrs. AP had found that went over some of the more technical details.  I paid close attention, mildly turned on and responding by rising some to the occasion, but more caught in absorbing most of the presented knowledge as possible.  This was important, and a big step if we could achieve our goal.  As such, I wanted to do my best, not only for her pleasure but also for my pride.

Video complete, we moved her laptop over to the nightstand.  Mrs. AP lay back, her nude body almost glowing in the soft light.  Her large, firm breasts rose and fell with each breath as she looked at me expectantly.  My hands trailed up her body, caressing her long legs, teasing her thighs, tracing up her stomach, and finally cupping her breasts.    I pinched her nipples, rolling them between my forceful fingers.  I squeezed her breasts, massaging them as I kept a tight grip on her hardening nipples.  Leaning forward I captured her mouth with mine and poured every ounce of passion I had within me into claiming her lips, her tongue, her breath as mine.  We melted into each other as I slid my right hand down her body, slowly, fingers gliding over every available inch.  My hand reached the top of her mound, where I could feel the heat rising from her.  Further down, fingertips brushing against her clit and down, down, until my hand cupped her pussy.  Slowly my finger slid inside her lips, feeling her open and yearning for me, hot and wet and waiting.

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Bisexual: Breaking Binary Barriers

Pardon the alliteration, friends, but I’m feeling whimsical.  You’ll forgive me, yes?

I stumbled this morning on an excellent piece hosted on the Huffington Post titled “For Bi Guys Thinking of Coming Out” by author Patrick RichardsFink.  If you have not already, please go read the piece.   Regardless of your gender or sexual identity there are some incredible insights found within the piece, particularly in dealing with the preconceptions most people still carry about sexuality and gender identity being based within the binary normative structure of gay/straight, male/female.

As I have mentioned repeatedly in my writings, I knew comparatively early in my life that I am Bi Male.  Additionally, I came to realize later in life that I am also a Queer Male.  In my further explorations into the roles of gender and sexual identity as parcel to development and establishing meaningful interpersonal relationships, I have had to undo the same kind of binary thinking still prevalent in modern Western society.  Sexuality and Gender are not necessarily static, but may instead exist on a dynamic continuum.  It is with this greater understanding, both externally and internally of the fluidity of self-expression, that led me to the belief that Bi-Curiosity is a misnomer,  a stumbling block upon the path to actualization.  The conversation is not as simple as there being two sides to a coin, but is instead as multifaceted as a Princess-cut diamond.  This complexity requires adopting not only a new approach to coming out but also a new mindset to those still within the binary-normative structure.

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Attacking The Routine

I feel compelled to write something meaningful and clever and brilliant.  To put forth a diatribe on a subject so scathingly polarizing that the annals of history will reference it in years long distant from now as a turning point in the evolution of human history.  After all, history is made by the acts of one person expanding and becoming greater than the person.  Evidence: Rosa Parks.  Benjamin Franklin.  Harvey Milk.

Alas, my brain has no such grand expositions readily available at this time.  Instead it feels poised, waiting for some brilliant revelation.  Whereas I know simply standing back and waiting for life to come to me will never get me anywhere, there is merit in taking a moment to stand and absorb everything that is around in a moment of contemplation and, perhaps, meditation.

Consider this my writing zazen.

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Altered States

Along with the historic votes on Marriage Equality in four states in the United States in November, 2012 also came two historic decriminalization measures passed in the stats of Colorado and Washington.   With the passing of these measures there now exists the regulated control of previously illegal substances — specifically marijuana, which is still illegal at the federal level — with which consenting adults can choose to alter their mental states.  Until a recent bout of agony did I begin to understand the appeal.

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Dating, Relationships, and the Limbo Between

Dating is a confusing enough subject between only 2 people these days.  If it wasn’t, there wouldn’t be things like college lectures on how hook-up culture is killing dating.  Run a Google Search for Modern Dating, and the top results include multiple posts via the Huffington Post and a (self serving?) post on Match.com.  Nearly every magazine available in the checkout line at the larger grocery stores include articles on how to date, how to look best for the first date, how to behave on the first date, how to hold attention after the first date, etc.  Constantly there is this bombardment on how and why and when and who to date.   The endless barrage of information is maddening.

This is made even more difficult trying to be a Poly couple in search of the elusive Single Bi Male.  Mrs. AP and I have been looking, either actively or passively, for the better part of 18 months now.  We’ve been more dedicated at some times than others, of course.  Our search is, however, hindered by the fact that we can’t simply follow the traditional in-person routine that two single people can.   Bars are, essentially, out, which is fine as we don’t really frequent them anyway.  We could theoretically meet somebody out at the club, or even at a restaurant or diner or store, but having to explain Poly to somebody who’s never heard of it — in person — leads to more ludicrous looks than is often worth them time.  Thus, relying on various online social and dating sites is the fallback on which we need rely.

We’ve had some luck through them.  We met Our Crush online first, and have since arranged all three of our dates that way.  So far it seems to be working.  It is also mildly exhausting.  Mrs. AP put it best the other night when she asked if we can just move beyond the dating stage to the relationship stage.  She’s right, of course, in that knowing how to act and react inside an established relationship is easier when one (or two) has been out of The Dating Game for as long as we have.  Traditional timing and molds don’t seem to carry over in a one to one ratio.  Pace, expectation, and the timeline of the relationship all seem to get thrown into a state of turmoil.  Lily Lloyd of theblackletherbelt.com calls it The Relationship Escalator.  To quote her:

The escalator looks something like this:

> Dating  > Sex > Moving In Together > Getting Married > Getting a Mortgage > Having Kids

This progression doesn’t work — may not even be possible to work — when it comes to Mrs. AP and I looking for a potential long-term member of what may very well become a Poly Triad.  Restrictions are in place in many ways.  Legally, at least within the United States, we may never be able to progress as a Triad from the “Moving in Together” stage to the “Getting Married” stage.  The legal standings for such a Marriage are, at best, tenuous.  That doesn’t necessarily prevent skipping that stage to the “Getting a Mortgage” part, but in this economy that’s more a pipe dream than anything else.  As for kids, Mrs. AP and I already have several children between us in addition to our devastating miscarriage together just a few months ago.  We’re not getting any younger, either; the likelihood of complications arising are a notable, worrisome prospect.  What, then, is a Poly couple who’s met a wonderfully compatible third person to do?

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Move Yet Forward

Today is a day of celebration.

Today marks the celebration of the life and aspirations of Reverend Doctor Martin Luther King, Jr., who sought for unity and equality among all people.

Today also marks the second public memorial inauguration of President Obama, who has worked toward realizing the dreams of Reverend Doctor Martin Luther King, Jr.

Regardless of your race, your creed, your orientation, your household status, your heritage, your partnered status, your age, your sex, your gender, or any other qualifying label under which you may place yourself, remember this: until we all hold the same protection under the law, until we all seek to protect the oppressed, the frail, the wounded, and the persecuted — indeed, until we all rise up in love and hope — we all stand to fail.

Choose love and help fulfill a dream.

 

Stay SINful, friends.


Budding Begins, Blossoms To Follow

In the past two weeks Mrs. AP and I have had two dates with Our Crush.  In both cases what started out as short dates evolved into very long amounts of time spent over at his place, with a great deal of making out involved.  The first date, in fact, lasted ten hours, the last two to three hours of which were spent with a great deal of kissing and neck nibbling and running fingernails up and down various body parts… all without any clothing being removed.  The second date at his house did lead to all clothing on all parties eventually coming off, but only after yet another long period of making out and teasing and foreplay.

Mrs. AP and I have our fair share of threesomes with another man under our collective belt, considering our long-held Triad with her soon-to-be-ex-husband and our dalliances with both Our Well Hung Lover and a long standing friend of hers, but never before have either of us — nor Our Crush, if I guess correctly — been involved in a scenario where there was truly equal attention and desire among all three people.  Each of us wanted, desired, and gave attention to the other two freely and equally without need of conscious thought toward the matter.  It was more a matter of each of us not being able to get enough of the other two than any one of us feeling pressured to give attention to one of the other people.  We were the closest to a true Triad I’ve ever experienced, with lines of energy connected each of the three pairs of us — him and her; her and me; him and me — along with a continuous loop connecting us all that was exhilarating and powerful.    I wrote once of wanting the kind of Triad where each of us makes the other two stronger; I got a taste of what that can be like as we all rolled around in bed together.

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