An Absinthe-Loving, Polyamorous, Kinky, Sex-Positive Couple talk about all things Sex, Kink, and LGBTQ.

The Not So Revelatory Revelation

I had absolutely no topic on my mind tonight.  I wasn’t certain I even wanted to write.  However, I try to follow my own advice, and it occurred to me that one of the things on which I briefly touched in my quick-hit update last week could be segued into a larger post.  Ergo, I write, despite not initially having any idea.  Take notes, kids.  There will be a test someday.  I think.

I must also thank my fellow blogger Bi_and_Bi, who’s most recent post about why she’s a sex blogger got me thinking about why I’m doing what I’m doing here, and how I want my life to progress at this point.  Thank you, Bi_and_Bi.  You’re an inspiration.

You see, when I started this blog here in my own little quiet corner of the internet, I intended it as a place where I could practice self-therapy and talk about all kinds of fun kinky sexual adventures along the way.  As a man who has struggled repeatedly over the years with his sexual identity and desires, it seemed a practical approach.  Also, my job doesn’t pay me much, and blogging is cheaper than professional therapy.

As a therapeutic place of rest, this little space of mine has served brilliantly, I think.  I’ve been able to open my mind and let things flow in ways that still, frustratingly, are difficult when trying to voice those same thoughts.  Something about the way my mind organizes when writing allows for more insight and introspection than when I’m trying to keep my mouth working at the same time.   That one I’m still working on.

Nevertheless, as I’ve mentioned many times, some of the bloggers found over in my blogroll were instrumental in helping me decide that a sex blog in particular was the kind of self-therapy in which I wanted to engage.  You see, Mrs. AP and I had been dancing around making a visit to Eyz Wide Shut for some time — I’ve wanted to visit a Swinger’s Club for years, but could never quite work up the nerve to make such a visit happen — and Mrs. AP is incredibly thorough in her research when deciding how best to support me.  In said research she stumbled upon the writings of Kissin Blue Karen, who is a regular at Eyz Wide Shut and mentions the establishment repeatedly.  At the time, Karen had recently been listed by Red Region Inferno as one of the Sexiest Blogs of 2011.  Perusing the list led to me finding a multitude of wonderful writers, most notably Josh and BB at Our Open Marriage Adventures and Mr. No Name.  Reading their raw accounts of not just what they were doing but how they felt about it and seeing their respective personal growths along the way helped me understand that I, too, could use such an outlet and be in good company.

I have been in excellent company, not just with the aforementioned writers but with every person listed in my blogroll and furthermore by every person listed in Rori’s 100 Top Sex Bloggers list.  There is a community here than I never would have found if I had not chosen to undertake this journey, and I am incredibly blessed to have found it.  However, maintaining my presence within that community has grown increasingly difficult despite recent accolades (for which I will be forever grateful).

It was easy when I started.  I linked to a few blogs the first day; probably less than five, although I do not admittedly remember the exact number.  Once a week I’d hop onto one of the blogs in my blogroll and start following links to other blogs.  I grew my network organically, moving from one blog to another, finding resonance with some and no connection with others.  For every blog I liked, I added to my blogroll to make finding them easier.  I’d leave a comment, trying to be pertinent to the post at hand, and return daily, or as near to it as I could.  With a handful of blogs to start, this was easy.

Now, it’s not as easy.  I currently link to over 50 wonderful writers.  I still have over 60 more on Rori’s list to peruse, and many of them will likely be added as well.  Maintaining an active connection with every single blog takes time, as any writer well knows.  The more connected I become, the less actively involved I feel.  I honestly truly cannot remember the last time I clicked on every single blog link in my blogroll in one night.  I know it’s been over a month, probably closer to two.

You see, I do most of my blogging and reading while I’m at work, which is for 12 hours a night, 4 nights a week.  I’m lucky in that my job doesn’t require a great deal of attention to other things most nights, but the simple fact is that my first night back at work usually takes all 12 hours to read through and leave comments on every single blog to which I link.  Reading, commenting, and writing my own posts becomes a full time job within my existing job, and the combination of the two wears on me.  Something has to give.

Which comes to the revelatory part of this post.  I don’t ever, for any reason, want to abandon this space here.  I want it to continue to grow and flourish and become a great and wonderful home for information, advice, and a plethora of other sexy things.  Mrs. AP and I have plans to evolve from just a simple blog into a full-blown site with several features we’ve not yet seen in other sex blogs.  We have a multi-pronged approach laid out.  We know where we want to go, and in part, how to get there.  We’ve been delayed in starting that for a few reasons, not the least of which is capital to support the upstart we’ll need.

We had hoped and planned by now to remedy the financial situation with a job that had been promised to me, but that looks like it’s fallen through.  I’m searching again, but I’ve yet to get a response from anything that could lead to concrete — and better paying — employment.  I’ve got fifteen years experience in information technology and support under my belt, but I don’t ever quite seem to know the proper people to get my foot in the door and my name on a pay stub.  Which leads me back to expanding this space.

I don’t want to be in computer support forever.  I want to write.  I want to write here, and I want to transition into also writing erotica and smut and whatever else can make people think Fifty Shades of Grey was a children’s bedtime story.  I want to make my living telling stories and sharing information, not enabling other systems to do so instead.  I want to progress just enough with whatever new job I may land to be able to hit that goal.  I want — I plan — to become a well known force within the Sex-Positive, Kink, and LGBTQ communities.  Writing this blog the past few months has helped me understand that.

My SINful friends, I apologize for having not been my regularly active self in your own blogs.  I’m working my way back there.  I’m working my way up to bigger and better things.  I’m working toward being able to do this full time.

Thank you for coming along for the ride.


Stay SINful, friends.

10 responses

  1. None of us have as much time as we’d like. I know for me, I do a lot of reading and not-so-much commenting. Sometimes, when it comes to a choice of read – or write – I write.

    Eventually my universe shrinks to just the must-reads – and I periodically weed out the ones that I’m reading from mere obligation, and try to add a new (to me) one once in a while.

    But go on with your bad self – you have excellent goals, and that’s the first step.

    November 27, 2012 at 1:08 pm

    • I’ve mostly been hovering around the “must-reads” as well, which seems to adjust a bit daily. It’s not my ideal, by any means. I’d prefer to be more involved.

      One of the best things about my goals is that they’re Mrs. AP’s as well; she wants me home more and wants us to both be financially independent, earning for ourselves instead of employers. We have the wherewithal to do so just as soon as we get a few financial obligations — and a touch more time — out of the way. It’s there. We can see it. We just have to reach it.

      I think you’re right, though, writing should — and usually does — come before reading, albeit sometimes reading leads to great inspirations.

      Stay SINful
      Mr. AP

      November 28, 2012 at 3:41 am

  2. Whatever comes next, you have my complete support. You’ve been such a source of strength for me. 🙂

    November 27, 2012 at 6:24 pm

    • My deepest thanks. I told Mrs. AP when I started this that I wanted to be an inspiration or a source of strength for somebody out there, anybody, who could read of my ordeals and see hope in the midst of pain and struggling. That I have, and made a friend in the process, is the best reward out there. Well, shy of the attention Mrs. AP gives me, anyway. 😉

      Stay SINful
      Mr. AP

      November 28, 2012 at 3:44 am

  3. Making the work scalable is one of the hardest parts of being an independent blogger. But the good news is that it’s entirely possible to make a full time living as a blogger (I do it and know a lot of others who do it as well) and you have amazing instincts when it comes blogging. You’re already a force to be reckoned with in the sex blogging world, Mr. AP! 😀 (And if I can help in any way, just let me know. I’ve been a full-time blogger for over 6 years now and although you know me from BMS, I’ve actually grown a number of really successful blogs, so I have experience in that area!)

    November 27, 2012 at 6:25 pm

    • I’d love to hear how you make a career in blogging possible.

      November 28, 2012 at 12:29 am

    • Oh, I will keep you in mind, Rori, thank you!

      Our goal is to have a multi-pronged approach, of which the blog is only one part of what drives our income. Luckily, Mrs. AP’s artistic and graphic arts skills will come in quite handy for what we have in mind. 🙂

      Stay SINful
      Mr. AP

      November 28, 2012 at 3:49 am

  4. You are correct…sex-blogging is like free self-therapy…with a bit of help from our sex-blogging friends. I personally, am glad to have found you and am happy to hear that you have plans to expand. A bi-male voice is a nice thing to have access to. There aren’t many of you on here (at least that I can find). I appreciate your contributions to the sex-blogging community.

    November 28, 2012 at 12:18 am

    • Right now I only know of myself, J.F. Break (of Break Out, in the blogroll) and the 2nd half of Bi and Bi who almost never does any posting himself.

      That’s yet another one of the reasons why I started this blog. Bi men are out there, many struggling with disassociation or derision from both the straight and gay communities. If I can be a light in the dark — having come through that dark myself — I need to share that. Hopefully I can help somebody get through dark times as well.

      Stay SINful
      Mr. AP

      November 28, 2012 at 3:52 am

  5. Oh I loved this post, not just because you mentioned me, but to see how it all started. What motivates you to follow blogs & post comments is admirable.
    I do not follow half as many blogs. I usually don’t comment on posts since some bloggers actually think it is bad etiquette and just a way for some bloggers to link to “famous” blog sites. (shocking! I know.)
    I hope you get to live your dream.

    November 28, 2012 at 12:28 pm

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s