An Absinthe-Loving, Polyamorous, Kinky, Sex-Positive Couple talk about all things Sex, Kink, and LGBTQ.

Advice For Aspiring Sex Bloggers

Hello there SINful friend!  If you’re reading this posting you fall into one of a few relatively small categories: somebody who is a sex blogger, somebody who wants to be a sex blogger, or somebody who stumbled here accidentally through a cheeky inclusion by a rogue search engine.  If you’re here because a search engine drove you astray, don’t worry, we don’t bite around here without expressed permission to do so.  In fact, that’s one of the tenants of being a good member of the sex-positive community; always get expressed consent.  Lots of bad things happen when you don’t, so it’s a good rule to live by.  Please feel free to follow this post to the end while you’re here, and if you feel so inspired do explore further through additional posts.  My archives to the right are organized chronologically; you can start with the first post or the most recent and read through them all, or just bounce around as you see fit.  Whatever works for you.

If you’re one of my long-time friends (or even a new friend, to whom I say thank you for joining!) you will likely already know most of the advice I’m about to dispense.  In fact, as I’m still a relative newcomer to this community, you likely know even more than I!  Your comments are welcome as always to help expand upon my limited foundation.

Therefore, I turn to my final set, and the core audience for this posting; those who wish to start a sex blog.  Writing a sex blog is easy, honestly.  Anybody with a sexual thought and the ability to sign up for a WordPress or Blogger account can start one.  Writing a good sex blog, however, requires a little more effort.  To help ease the amount of effort required, I recommend the following:

  • Read other sex blogs first.  You found this one, obviously, which means you can find others.  TO help with that, look to the right side of my page and find the SINful Blogroll.  Every author contained therein writes well, and throughout the blogroll are scattered a variety of topic covered.  I link to people who are swingers, who are polyamorous, who practice BDSM, who are spankos, who review sex toys, who offer sex advice, who recount their own sexual experiences, and everything in between.  Many of them cross boundaries within their own blogs, much like I do here, which is perfectly fine.  Each person defines one’s own sexuality and sexual experience, and a sex blog should be an extension of that.  Which brings me to my next point.
  • Write what you know.  This may be as narrow or as broad an area as you wish.  My writings here have covered Swinging, Polyamory, BDSM, LGBTQ issues, and more because those subjects are part of my sexual identity.  Some of my favorite authors don’t touch on many of those subjects because those are not areas of daily concern.   Swinging and Polyamory may overlap, but often don’t.  Polyamory and BDSM overlap more often, but not with everybody.  Sometime a blog only contains monogamous heterosexual behavior; that’s fine as well if that is the author’s experience.
  •  Write for yourself.  Yes, your blog will gain an audience, but they will not be visiting your blog to read something they’ve already written or read elsewhere.  Readers want to hear the author’s voice — your voice — expressed through word choice, rhythm, and tone.  Nothing makes this come through more clearly than writing the post you want to read.  Let your voice, your opinions, and your desires loose.
  • Push your comfort zone.  Writing about sex can be uncomfortable.  It can also be freeing.  Explore your boundaries and limits but also explore your fantasies and desires.  There is growth and discovery available down that path if you have but the courage to follow it.
  • Use proper spelling and grammar.  I know this is just a general writing tip and not specific to sex blogs, but it warrants a mention nonetheless.  Most modern browsers integrate a spell check function to help alleviate spelling errors, but they are not always perfect.  Google exists for a reason, as does Dictionary.com.  If you’re uncertain of the spelling or meaning of a word, look it up.  You’re already on the internet anyway.
  • Write when you don’t feel like writing.  This is also a general writing tip that serves those of us in the sex blog community well.  Popular authors of novels — authors like Steven King and Laurell K. Hamilton — have said many times over that the key to writing well is to write even when “not in the mood.”  Often times simply starting a sentence or two will unlock the creative rush that allows an entire post to form.  Some of the posts of which I’m most proud here have started from one simple little sliver of inspiration that came even when writing was the last thing I wished to do.  Find some time in your schedule and use it.
  • Have fun with it.  Sex, writing about sex, writing about things related to sex, and thinking about sex while writing is all fun.  If it wasn’t, why would so many people be having sex and writing about it?  Play, be witty, crack jokes.  Let that come through in the writing.  We’re all here to have a good time together (yes, even some of us in “that way”) so make the act of writing just as much fun as the act of reading.

This is, of course, not all inclusive.  My list of suggestions is not the end-all, be-all of advice for writing a sex blog.  And yes, while my experience as a sex-blogger is currently limited to (including this post) 143 posts in six and one-half months, I have maintained other blogs in the past.  Under different names I held a DiaryLand account for 2 years, after which I maintained a LiveJournal account for 4 years and a DreamWidth account (cross-posting to the LJ account) for another 2 years thereafter.  Off and one I’ve held a web-diary, web-journal, web-log, or blog account for over 10 years.  I keep coming back because I love to write, and reading other successful sex blogs inspired me to jump into this community. I’m incredibly proud of that decision and intend to never look back.

I hope my advice is useful, future sex blogger.  If it is, and you do join us here, please let me know.

I look forward to what you’ll have me read.

 

Stay SINful, friends.

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16 responses

  1. This is all great advice! And in addition to reading other sex blogs first, leave comments! That is how I find most of the new blogs I follow – by reading a comment and heading to that person’s blog.

    October 25, 2012 at 7:26 am

    • Yes! Give the comment love and receive the comment love in return! It’s very Karmic, that way.

      Stay SINful
      Mr. AP

      October 27, 2012 at 9:18 pm

  2. Very good post and I also add, leave comments when reading other blogs. It lets the author know their work is appreciated, but also leaves your name behind. It does help bring in more traffic to your site if you visit and leave a comment.

    October 25, 2012 at 9:58 am

    • Very true. I always try to leave a comment on anything I read; admittedly, the more heartfelt and personalized the comment, the better I feel about providing it. I don’t like “mailing it in.”

      Stay SINful
      Mr. AP

      October 27, 2012 at 9:19 pm

  3. Well stated advice! I learned a lot from reading other sex blogs before I started my own. Ultimately, when I started my own, I just wrote what I wanted. I felt pressure to write like someone else or do features like someone else. But when I did that, no one liked it. It was not me and no one responded to it.

    It’s when I embraced my own style and my experience that people responded.

    And correct grammar and spelling – HUGE on my list. I’m not the best editor of my blog posts, but I make an effort and correct when I notice something. Some blogs I just can’t read if they are poorly written.

    I was surprised that you’ve only been writing for six months on this blog. However, after seeing that you’ve been writing on the web for 10 years? Now that explains your expertise in writing 🙂

    October 25, 2012 at 10:38 am

    • Oh goodness, I just thought of something. Long posts that have no paragraph breaks are impossible for me to read. I don’t even try.

      Thank you for thinking I have expertise. I’ve never had an audience this large. Honestly, I just try to follow the rules my AP Composition teacher hammered into me many moons ago.

      Stay SINful
      Mr. AP

      October 27, 2012 at 9:35 pm

      • You could send her a thank you message and a link to the blog 😉

        October 27, 2012 at 10:37 pm

      • I’m not sure if I could even track her down now. It’s been 14 years since that class. She’d probably start deducting points for improper use of commas anyway.

        Stay SINful
        Mr. AP

        October 28, 2012 at 1:34 am

  4. Great advice. I especially agree with writing for yourself, very important for sure!

    October 25, 2012 at 10:52 am

    • You wouldn’t know anything about that, would you mister? :-p

      Stay SINful
      Mr. AP

      October 27, 2012 at 9:47 pm

  5. Thanks for writing this…some of us are seriously new to blogging and writing in general. I really liked the advice to write when you don’t feel like writing and write for yourself. Thanks for giving me some food for thought!!

    October 25, 2012 at 6:57 pm

  6. Kat

    I agree with jfb comments are how I find all my new blogs. Sex blogs have opened up many new interesting odeas for me so I would say to look pitside your own sexual comfort zone as well.

    October 27, 2012 at 6:40 pm

    • Oh yes. Leaving one’s comfort zone can be scary and exciting and lead to SO many new and wonderful things. 😀

      Stay SINful
      Mr. AP

      October 27, 2012 at 9:49 pm

  7. Write when you don’t feel like writing. I keep a small list of ideas that I have never had time to think about and when nothing else is “pressing”, I pull one of those out and just start – often they turn into my most reactive posts, but not on purpose. Just because I had to really focus.

    🙂

    October 27, 2012 at 7:31 pm

    • Isn’t it funny how that works? Just one little idea that doesn’t feel terribly inspiration blossoms into a wonderful work just because of that extra focus. Yes, great advice, thank you.

      Stay SINful
      Mr. AP

      October 27, 2012 at 9:50 pm

  8. Pingback: The Not So Revelatory Revelation « AbSINthePassion

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