Know That Wherever You Go
My heart will be with you.
Today I travel to Long Island, NY to work on a project for my client. Since my consulting work is still a part-time gig, this means I’m still working my “day job” overnight. The night before I catch the flight. I will have 2 hours to shave, shower, and finish packing before leaving for the airport to catch my flight. Yes, I will be cutting it close. It’s a good thing I know how to work an airport.
While I’m looking forward to being able to do the hands-on IT work I love, this trip isn’t a “there and back again” day trip. No, this time I stay until catching a flight home Friday evening. I’ve handled overnight (and longer) trips for work before. Back during my full time Corporate IT Support days I would often fly to Atlanta for 3 -4 days at a time, or go to NYC for 3 -4 days. Every 2 – 3 months I would fly to the company HQ for 5 days. I spent a week in Denver, a week in Salt Lake City, 3 days in Chicago, 2 days in Indianapolis, 3-4 days in Annapolis at a time, 3-4 days in D.C., and even a week out in San Jose. Traveling with no notice for extended periods of time is nothing new to me. What IS new, however, and what causes my internal conflict, is being away from Mrs. AP overnight.
In the 2 and a half years Mrs. AP and I have been together, we have never spent more than 18 hours apart. We have always found a way to spend our sleeping time together, whether it’s by night or by day. We both sleep better when we’re able to reach out and touch each other, and I know the quality of my sleep improved by many orders of magnitude when I started sleeping with her by my side. Mrs. AP soothes me, even when I’m not consciously able to recognize her presence. The few naps I’ve taken while she’s been out of the house have always been listless and broken; I wake feeling unsatisfied or like I hadn’t slept at all.
Above all other things, that is how I judge how deeply ingrained my need to be with Mrs. AP has become. This need springs from my incredible love for her, and is built upon the foundation of wanting to do all I can to make her life better. I need to be the man she needs, the partner and husband and lover she yearns for not for my sake but for hers, and in confirming she’s okay I reach out even in my sleep to make sure she’s safe. Even in my sleep I need to know she’s okay, and want to help make sure she’s not in need of anything.
How am I to sleep through a whole night or two without that inherent reassurance of her presence? I know I will sleep, but it won’t be as well. The entire time I’m gone I’ll still be reaching out, trying to make sure she can sense the firm grip she has on my heart.
This was a Wicked Wednesday post. Visit the Wicked Wednesday page to see other participants.
Stay SINful, friends.