Right For Me
I came home feeling like a mess. Everything in my body either hurt or wanted to fall apart or both. If it didn’t, it was looking at the surrounding parts and giving up all hope. Normally these overnight shifts don’t tear me up too badly — I’ve had over a year to acclimate after all, and I know how to better pace myself now — but there was something about the night that just wore on me more and more. I read through my entire blogroll twice, commented here and there, and was genuinely happy for every single one of you having good experiences. Really, all of you are amazing, and I love it when good things happen. You’re all incredibly deserving. But no matter how much good and happy and positive I put out, I didn’t feel any of it coming back to me. My body was rebelling.
I’m still not sure how I made it home and up the stairs. I know I stopped for a gallon of milk — we were out — and food for Mrs. AP because she made a simple comment about being hungry and I don’t have it in me to leave her wanting. I know I came in, I know I put the milk away, and I know I was stripping off the uniform from work almost before I was in the bedroom and giving Mrs. AP her food and her kiss. I maintained enough cognitive recognition to know I did these things and didn’t fall apart, but as soon as I hit that bed I knew I wasn’t getting back up. So what did my ever loving, ever caring, ever wonderful of a Lover and a Partner in Mrs. AP do?
She loved me. She loves me. She did everything she could to make me comfortable, and to keep the happy hyper 3 month old puppy from ransacking my face. She tucked me in, she held me, she kissed me, she petted me, and she watched over me that way she does, she always does, when I don’t feel well. I try, I try so damn hard, to not let myself feel like that. I try to stay strong, and healthy, and able to do or be anything and everything she needs of me, need from me, because I want nothing but the best for her and to provide for her. But days like this morning, days when I don’t know how I’m holding it together, or how I’m even on my feet anymore, she reminds me that everything I do for her, she does for me too.
She’s absolutely amazing, and absolutely right for me.
Stay SINful, friends.