An Absinthe-Loving, Polyamorous, Kinky, Sex-Positive Couple talk about all things Sex, Kink, and LGBTQ.

Switch It Up

In the realm of BDSM the grouping of individuals is generally regarded in Binary terms.  Dom and sub.  Master and slave.  Many of you readers strongly identify with one of these labels; just a quick look down the blogroll even shows these terms in several of your blog titles.  Whether you’re training your slave to follow orders or you just really need your partner to bend you over and spank you sometimes, the deep need to operate within that mode is such a strong part of you that you feel something is missing when you don’t get proper playtime.  In a way, I envy you, because the need to feed just one mode does not exist within me.  I do not have the strong, overwhelming urge to be a good little submissive to Mrs. AP all of the time, nor do I feel that correlating urge to dominate her all the time.  No, SINful friends, I have it much better and much worse.  When it comes to those kinds of urges, I get them both.

I am a Switch.

As the title suggests, I switch between being Dominant and being submissive.   This should come as no surprise, though.  Just as my sexuality does not lie far to either extreme of the spectrum, neither do my BDSM tendencies.  There are times when all I want to have happen is for Mrs. AP to unleash her Domme side and have her take me, own me, and use me to her gorgeous heart’s delight.  I love it when she pushes me down and takes what she wants without giving me any say in the matter.  I adore it when she finds my spots and works and teases and plays until the feelings are overwhelming and I’m floating in subspace.  In those moments, I will do anything she asks, anything she desires, and I won’t question her about it.  I am hers to use, and I know she won’t abuse that.

Other times, though, my Dom needs to be unleashed.  I need to control her, to make her remember that she is mine, that I can do what I like with her and that if she goes with it she will find pleasure she has never before known.  I will hurt her, I will ravage her, and she will swoon from it, but never will I harm or abuse her.  I know she can take the assault, I know she can take the spanking and hair pulling and throat grabbing and be all the better for it.  When I unleash the Dom, we’re both completely spent afterward.

It may be obvious to many of you that while I am a Switch I have a natural lean slightly to the submissive side.   It is true, I live to make Mrs. AP happy, and my sub tendencies to fall more under the service category than anything else.  This helps make me a damn good house-husband when I’m home.  When I switch to Dom, I’m not always aggressive.  Sometimes, oftentimes, I am the sensuous Dom.  I want to control Mrs. AP, yes, but not always by grabbing her hair and forcing her to take what I give her.  Instead, I overwhelm her.  I caress, I tease, I take my time building and building and building until the waves come endlessly, one after another, and she begs for me to give her more.  In those moments, she is mine.  Her orgasms are mine to control.   If I want her to squirt, she will, and she cannot stop me.  If I think she needs one of her glass dildos up her ass, I will make sure she takes it.  If I decide she needs my fist inside her soaking pussy, I will give it to her.  She is mine to use, and use her I will, until she begs for me to stop.

Even then, I’ll probably just keep going.


Stay SINful, friends.

17 responses

  1. Hmmm… this was very yummy and ties in with some things I have been thinking about lately. Sensuous Dom is a very good way to put it. Thanks for taking the time to share this.

    July 17, 2012 at 10:20 am

    • You’re most welcome. I can’t claim to have coined the phrase; I picked it up on FetLife. Nevertheless, I find it incredibly accurate and think it suits me nicely. Most of the time. >:-)

      Stay SINful
      Mr. AP

      July 17, 2012 at 7:14 pm

  2. I like it.

    My husband is very much service oriented as well – he loves to do things for me both in and out of the bedroom. I’ve topped him a few times, but I don’t feel it. It very much feels like a role I have to put on, even though I can eventually become excited by it. When I have done that, the best way (for us both) was the sensual way too – to drive him mad with pleasure until he was begging for more.

    Switching naturally sounds awesome – because you both get both sides of the coin. We already know that we belong to each other – it just manifests differently for us.

    Great post. 🙂

    July 17, 2012 at 2:00 pm

    • Sometimes I have to put some effort up front to switch into Aggressive Dom mode (as I call it) but once I settle in it becomes comfortable and invigorating. Mrs. AP has been urging me to let that side of me out more. My only concern is taking things too far and hurting her, so I’m going slowly as I learn both of our limits. It’s working well so far.

      Stay SINful
      Mr. AP

      July 17, 2012 at 7:20 pm

  3. This sounds like a lovely balance. I too can relate to being a switch and am on more of the submissive side in that I love to care and please more than dominate. But when I do, I do my best.

    A sensuous Dom experience sounds absolutely enjoyable, your wife is a lucky woman.

    July 18, 2012 at 12:07 am

    • As long as we’re trying and learning and striving to improve, right?

      I think I’m the lucky one to find somebody who can unleash me so.

      Stay SINful
      Mr. AP

      July 18, 2012 at 1:05 am

  4. Ooh, thank you for a great post. I love how you really explore all your varying desires. It shows a real freedom in both you, Mrs. AP and your relationship.

    July 18, 2012 at 12:36 am

    • Why thank you. She helped me find that freedom in myself, and now that I have it I can’t imagine how I ever got along without her.

      Stay SINful
      Mr. AP

      July 18, 2012 at 1:11 am

  5. freakyv

    That last paragraph has me HOT!!!!

    Sometimes I want to Dom, especially a woman. Waiting to have more of that experience!

    July 18, 2012 at 1:22 am

    • I have no doubts that after your camping weekend you and Swinger will find a way for you to take control sometime. 😉

      Stay SINful
      Mr. AP

      July 18, 2012 at 2:48 am

  6. vanillamom

    My first visit, Mr. AP….

    and a lovely one! First, I’m going to add you to my blogroll, if you don’t mind, and second, I will return to read more. You have made some good points here, too. And so yummily written! I think I am not a Dominant at all, but it is a role I use with my children, so that may be why I would resist it.

    And Master doesn’t have a submissive molecule in His body!

    Our dynamic feeds us both…and that’s my “rule”…if what you are doing is feeding and growing your relationships, then explore away.

    Sounds like you and Mrs. AP have a wonderful relationship, and are having a wonderful time on your journey… 🙂


    July 18, 2012 at 8:04 am

    • Welcome nilla, and thank you! By all means, add me. I cross borders between Polyamory, Swinging, BDSM, LGBTQ Issues, Sex in a relationship, and daily life around here; everybody is welcome.

      I’m a fan of finding what works and running with it. It’s working well for us so far.

      Stay SINful
      Mr. AP

      July 22, 2012 at 2:30 am

  7. I too am a submissive and I serve my Husband/Master slavishly, but I have a dominant side also. It rears it’s head in our daily living sometimes, but never in play/us/intimate times

    July 21, 2012 at 8:57 am

    • Thank you, Serafina. From what I’ve read of your lovely blog, your style of play works perfectly in the Samadhi House (OH how I love that name!) and makes for some wonderful reading to boot. Keep up the wonderful work!

      Stay SINful
      Mr. AP

      July 22, 2012 at 2:32 am

  8. Switchin’ ain’t easy. Finding someone with compatable kinks is hard.

    I found someone and had to leave her because her brain didn’t function correctly. Too many drugs in high school but it was great fun while it lasted. And she was a GG.

    But all’s well that ends well, shortly after I reconnected with someone who is even better and her mind is brilliant but no GG.

    It depends on the dynamic with the lady who is at any time going to top or who will bottom. I like both but topping really gets me hard.

    Glad I found your blog. Now all I need to do is remember how to put on my blog roll. Been a while since I blogged. Just started back.

    July 21, 2012 at 9:58 pm

    • Welcome Dave.

      Finding the right partner/s can be terribly frustrating. I was in an oppressive/suppressive marriage for years, after which finding Mrs. AP was like finally being allowed to drink water after having nothing but brine available. Life is ever so much better now.

      If you can’t get the blogroll bit figured out, we have RSS and Twitter feeds working as well email notifications. I’m sure you’ll figure it out.

      Stay SINful
      Mr. AP

      July 22, 2012 at 2:35 am

  9. I’m switchable too, but I’ve never switched within the context of a single relationship. Part of this is just circumstance — my partners aren’t switchable; one’s dominant and doesn’t switch and the other’s submissive and doesn’t switch.

    But even if that wasn’t the case I wonder if I’d find switching with a single partner confusing. I admit that when I’m together with both my partners I have no clue what to do 🙂 WAIT WHAT AM I?!

    Reading something like this makes me see the possibilities, though.

    August 2, 2012 at 12:34 am

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