An Absinthe-Loving, Polyamorous, Kinky, Sex-Positive Couple talk about all things Sex, Kink, and LGBTQ.

Discovering New Kinks

As I mentioned in my last post, Mrs. AP and I had a long talk wherein she helped me realize that I hadn’t been paying the amount of attention to her that a dedicated loving partner should.  I had, in truth, been behaving selfishly.  At some point during the discussion, Mrs. AP brought our her Coffin Case and opened it.  Her Coffin Case is her Domme toolkit; within it she has multiple floggers, a small whip, and several riding crops with various tips.  To work out some of her frustrations, she started testing each of them out across my ass and back.  Although she stayed mostly light with her lashes, some of her instruments deliver a sharper bite than others and left marks that stung for hours.  It’s only the second time she’s broken out the toys on me — I have sensitive skin that welts easily and with that comes a remarkably low pain threshold — but this round lasted longer than previously.  All told, I think she spent about 10 – 15 minutes on me.  I think.  I’m not entirely certain, for you see, I think I started entering subspace.

For those who do not know, subspace is a floaty, disconnected feeling one gets during intense (or sometimes not so intense) sessions of either physical or sexual (and possibly emotional, though I’ve not fully tested that one) exertion.  In particular reference to the Fetish / Kinky / BDSM environment, it is the head space a sub enters during a Scene.  If the right amount of force and the right rhythm is obtained, somebody can slip into subspace very quickly and once there endure more force, faster rhythm, etc.  It is, in my limited experience, very similar to the runner’s high I used to get during my days running Track and Cross Country.  It also has a very zen meditation aspect to it, as thoughts stop sticking and just start running through and out again without any chance to stop for tea and biscuits.

During the limited time in which Mrs. AP was decorating my ass and back with marks from her various toys, I started slipping into the edges of this subspace.  I was surprised, particularly because she wasn’t being forceful at all, but between my lack of sleep the previous day and my overnight shift, I must have already been fatigued enough to allow the transition to subspace more easily.  While I’ve not been there much, I’m getting better at identifying the transition and listening to my body.  In this instance, I can deduce only one thing; I like a being on the receiving end of Mrs. AP’s toys.

I’m still processing that a bit.  I never liked being the target of pain from others as a child, and learned to fight back hard when others attempted it.  Giving in, letting go, and just receiving the strikes as they land and mark and caress my skin is a difficult thing for me to do.  Despite the fact that I am normally a more passive, care-free, willing to follow another’s lead kind of person I still like maintaining the illusion that I have SOME control over an outcome.  When Mrs. AP was testing her toys on me, I had no control.  What she used, where she used it, how hard she used it, and how frequently she used it was all up to her.  All I could do was lay there and take it, and the anticipation and uncertainty of the next strike built and coiled and twisted around each other to help push me into subspace.  It’s disorienting, discovering something about yourself unexpectedly like that.

I’m definitely thinking this is something she and I need to explore further.  Maybe I’m more resilient than I give myself credit.  Maybe I can take those loud, biting, explosive hits that leave welts for days.  I don’t know.  But the more I reflect on the experience, and how quickly I started to hit subspace, the more I want to test how far I can go.

And then, like a good Switch, I’ll start turning it around on Mrs. AP and see how well she takes it.


Stay SINful, friends.

9 responses

  1. I haven’t caught up with my blogs lately because mostly all the hours I am putting in at work, but also because I have been on Fetlife. I have alot I want to explore but Fetlife is kinda scary me to death. Wow the extremes people can go to are scary. Swinger says I am never satisfied and always want more. How will this play in to exploring the BDSM world I do not know. I have never been spanked and did not think I would enjoy it, but now I am considering it among other things. My pain threshold is higher than many. I also need some amount of pain to orgasm many times. Swinger is not into the scene yet I think he could get into more of abusing me! lol I have a thing with rape play, it was nice finding a group on fetlife that feels the same way. My first husband was abusive asshole BUT before i discovered that, he would play the rapist with me and we really turned on the heat on it and I found it very exciting. I even ran out of a hotel once, clothes tore off screaming.

    I’d like Swinger to try different rope techniques on me, try using a crop on me. I want to explore. I just hope i never have to have my skin split open like I have been observing.

    July 10, 2012 at 2:15 am

    • Gods, how I love the Groups on FetLife. Some of the discussions get scary deep. Reading through them has helped me understand myself better. Mrs. AP was absolutely right in pushing me to join. I hope it helps you as you explore further.

      July 10, 2012 at 2:34 am

  2. I think its exciting exploring all the different avenues of pain and how the boundry between pain and pleasure is very closely entwined if you can reach subspace which sounds like you did and what an amazing experience that is.

    I like subspace to almost similar to how people describe out of body experiences lol, i can still feel the sensations but the pain isnt there, its a floaty sensation, its also when im the most vunerable to being pushed further which is something me and my Master enjoy.

    Good luck and have fun exploring more


    July 10, 2012 at 10:40 am

    • The Out of Body Experience was very similar to what I used to experience for the Runner’s High. I could feel the movements of my body but my mind wasn’t connected to it at all; it was just a rhythm the physical maintained while my mind was released. Mrs. AP has kicked me into subspace before through sensual play, and the separation is delicious indeed. This was the first time it’s happened through more forceful stimulation, and even though it was just the edges, it was awesome. I definitely see the attraction now more clearly than I had before.

      Stay SINful
      Mr. AP

      July 10, 2012 at 7:09 pm

  3. I found subspace the very first time we experimented, and i”m looking forward to finding it again. It’s a wonderful freeing of the usual thoughts/inhibitions/fears that plague me…

    July 10, 2012 at 11:21 am

    • Mrs. AP has kicked me into subspace before through sensual play — I can overload quickly through the right tender caress of nails to my legs and thighs — but this was the first time I’ve nibbled the edges of it from more forceful stimulation. I’m definitely looking to explore more.

      Stay SINful
      Mr. AP

      July 10, 2012 at 7:01 pm

  4. I’ve had brief moments of the runner’s high – when I keep moving but it doesn’t matter anymore, the pain is irrelevant and I can push faster – but as soon as I start to analyze it, it slips away.

    Probably why I don’t do subspace – my brain is too “on,” too determined to record and fully experience every moment like it will be my last. I do lose the ability to verbalize, but I still hear everything and can respond with grunts.

    I love your description.

    July 11, 2012 at 1:00 am

    • Mrs. AP and I both have that problem with our brains not wanting to turn “off” and just let us be. I self-practiced multiple meditation techniques for about a year circa 2002 – 2003 to help control that, and I think my experiences there helped open my door to subspace. I just needed Mrs. AP to show me that door and the tricks to popping it open.

      Stay SINful
      Mr. AP

      July 11, 2012 at 1:19 am

  5. Pingback: Expanding The Self « AbSINthePassion

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