An Absinthe-Loving, Polyamorous, Kinky, Sex-Positive Couple talk about all things Sex, Kink, and LGBTQ.

Take a Dive

You ever sit back and take stock of how your life has been lately?  Just some reflection on how you’re feeling, what you’ve been doing, et cetera?  Mrs. AP popped me into that headspace this morning with one very simple comment.  As we lay snuggling after I got home from work she was gently playing with me — no urgency, just enjoying the feel of me in her hand — and after several minutes of me taking my time to respond to her ministrations she asked “Have you noticed your sex drive has dropped?”  And just like that, I was in self-examination mode trying to figure out what’s going on with me.

It’s true, of course.  Mrs. AP is highly perceptive when it comes to me, my moods, and my reactions.  She often figures out what’s going on in my head before I do, which is a wonderful blessing for me because she gives insight I seem to lack, but it’s a curse for her when she knows what my issue is and is still waiting for me to figure it out.  I’ve been trying to get better at understanding how I tick — I can do it with technical stuff all day long, why not with myself, dammit — but I still very often feel like I’m way behind the eight ball on figuring myself out.  Despite that, I started digging around in this cluttered head of mine and I’ve come away with a few things that I think I can change to get me back to being my multiple-times a day randy self again.

  • Reduce my stress level.  This sounds obvious, right, but really, the past 2 months have been a constant weight of stress on both of us.  We found out early May that we were essentially going to have to break our lease one month shy of the lease coming to it’s natural end.  We scrambled on my days off to find a new place, and at the very last minute (literally 4 days to spare) a friend came through with a place for us.  Almost as soon as we moved in, we had to begin a search for a new car (due to losing the old one for frustrating reasons) and have had that hanging over our head.  Combine that with me trying to start work for a client that will (someday) pick me up for a full time position instead of just consulting, and I feel like I’ve had one thing after another piled atop me until I’m near to tumble.  I can’t tumble, though.  I know once I push through all of this there’s a much better lifestyle for me.  I just have to get there.
  • Eat better.  My diet has taken a hard hit during the past 2 months, so much so that I’ve added a good 10 pounds on top of my already too heavy frame.  When I was eating mostly fruits and veggies with yogurt and lean poultry to help give me my protein kicks I felt better, had more energy, and had a higher sex drive.  I need to get my good habits back.
  • Sleep better.  The bed we have right now is not comfortable.  I wake up in constant pain, I stay up in constant pain, and I sleep in constant pain.  It’s like my lower back is doing it’s best vice grip imitation on my spine, and I know it’s curbing my desire for anything other than relief.  Ironically, the endorphin and serotonin rush from orgasm helps, but I’m in too much pain half the time to get there.
  • Get out more.  Mrs. AP and I have been so wrapped up with the move and settling into a MUCH smaller place that we’ve done nothing with friends or for ourselves.  We need more time out and about, relaxing, and rediscovering all the wonderful things we like about each other when we don’t have a TV on and kids needing our attention.   Distractions to clear our minds and helps us unwind are sorely needed.

I know I’ll get through this and be back to my chipper, randy, orgasm providing self in no-time.  And having this space here to unload and help me organize and understand my scattered thoughts is a tremendous asset.  Maybe that’s why I’m here so often?

Any other advice is gladly welcome.


Stay SINful, friends.

6 responses

  1. “back to being my multiple-times a day randy self again” Ok, so I have to ask…are you just doing it once a day now? Or going a lot longer periods without it. Cause if you are still at once a day, I would like your address 😉 lol

    It sounds like you already know what you need to do.

    Me…. I am the opposite. I’m trying to figure out how to curb my sexual appetite as it seems to take over my life at times and causes me stress, anxiety and anger.

    As for your back, have you seen anyone about it? Are you sure it is just the bed that is causing the issues. I can’t remember if you responded to the comment I made in reply to you about the bunk beds. But I really don’t do well unless I sleep on a sofa. I have to have my back straight up against it and then a body pillow to wrap my arm and leg around to support me. When I sleep like this, I am pain free. When I sleep in a bed, even if I use Swinger to support me, I still have issues with the pain. My doctor just told me I inherited a bad body shape (Gee thanks doc for the help).

    “And having this space here to unload and help me organize and understand my scattered thoughts is a tremendous asset. Maybe that’s why I’m here so often?”

    Exactly why I am doing mine.

    July 3, 2012 at 12:22 am

    • Lately it’s been down to about 2 – 3 times a week, and nowhere near my usual levels of attentiveness pre- and post-coitus. Hell, we’ve been in the new place 3 weeks and only soaked the sheets (well, towels) once. I’m off my game for sure.

      Absolutely certain my back pain is in very large part to the mattress. We didn’t bring our old mattress with us in the move, and this new one is thin, has widely spaced springs, and isn’t very supportive at all. I had occasional pain prior to the move. Now it’s constant, and at it’s worst when I wake up. It doesn’t help that I’m a stomach sleeper. I would love to have somebody take a look at it, but the lack of health insurance right now makes that tricky. That should change with the new job, whenever that may be.

      July 3, 2012 at 1:02 am

      • Well 2 and 3 times a week is alot more than I am getting!! lol Of course that is mainly because I don’t see Swinger often. I do worry about how often we would be having sex if we were together all the time. I can be a bitch if I’m wanting it and not getting it.

        Try to sleep on your side. I used to be a stomach sleeper also. In fact I slept on my stomach all though my first pregnancy. Now I try to only sleep on my side with it being supported. I wrap one leg and arm around a body pillow, it really helps.

        Hope things get better soon!

        July 10, 2012 at 1:59 am

  2. I think you have hit all the right areas. Just remember my favourite saying “and this too shall pass” or was that “none shall pass” …… I always confuse the two!

    Mr. No Name

    July 3, 2012 at 12:37 am

    • “Multipass”

      I know better things are on the horizon, I just have to deal with the fun of getting there.

      July 3, 2012 at 12:54 am

      • “I always pass on good advice.” ~ Oscar Wilde

        July 3, 2012 at 10:05 am

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