An Absinthe-Loving, Polyamorous, Kinky, Sex-Positive Couple talk about all things Sex, Kink, and LGBTQ.

To Kiss and Tell

After Mr. No Name posted about his coming out as a Swinger and a Sex-Blogger to a colleague (with favorable results so far, detailed in his post Busted!) I got to thinking about how I feel about Going Public.  On the one hand, my relative anonymity here enables me to write unfiltered and uncensored without having to give any thought or worry to what somebody I know will say in response to what I’ve posted.  On the other hand, I’m very open and honest in my writing here and provide links to social and dating sites where I hold active profiles.  Anybody who knows me and goes searching from here through those sites would very quickly recognize me.  There will come a day — a day I deem eventually inevitable — when my presence here will become irrevocably public.  The question then becomes, how will I react?

One of my primary concerns since I started this blog nearly 3 months ago (really?  only 3 months?) is that my career is one that has involved and will involve again working closely with government agencies whose names are typically reduced to convenient acronyms or letter combinations.   The background and security checks required for such contracts typically is invasive enough to prevent somebody with an uncleared domestic issue to be denied access to the contract.  If I lose my anonymity here, would that begin registering in the checks?  I doubt it, but if it did, what would the repercussions be?  I’m not sure, but I’m still here, so I must be willing to risk it.

My secondary concern is how I might inadvertently censor myself if I know, in person, who members of my reading audience are.  My blogroll has been growing steadily, and I’ve developed a nice sense of community so far with people like the aforementioned Mr. No Name, with Josh and BB, with Freaky V, and others.  I know I will likely meet none of these people in person, but even if I do, they’re established regulars enough so that knowing they’re reading my thoughts won’t change my approach.  But what if I meet somebody local, like Karen Blue or Rebecca Ammon?  They’re both much more established in the Tampa area than I, and I know both are likely to tell of our encounter (which I don’t expect would be anything sexual, but even conversations are up for grab here).  What’s an up and coming Sex Blogger to do?

My hope and goal, for which I work very hard, is to never censor myself here.  I want to always be open and honest and detailed in my experiences and feelings.  If this means that I one day write of an encounter with somebody I know is reading this blog, my hope is that the other party or parties involved understands will know my thoughts and feelings before I hit the Publish button.  For me, openness and honesty is something for which I strive not only in my postings here but also in how I approach people online and in person.  If I enjoy the company of somebody I want him/her to know it.  If I have an issue with something being said or done, I want to address.  This space is my release and my creative outlet, yes, but I want it to also serve as a reflection for how I operate in the rest of my life.

Yes, I will change names of those who Mrs. AP and I play with so as to offer some semblance of protection, unless otherwise requested.  Yes, I will make use of vivid detail that delves into the realm of erotica when I tell of those encounters.  And yes, somebody may figure out who we are and recognize a post about our time together.  It’s a risk I’m willing to take.

After all, doesn’t anything worth doing include an element of risk?

Stay SINful, friends.

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10 responses

  1. I don’t mind sharing my blog with fellow swingers and to be honest, I don’t tell all that goes on in the swinger bedroom. I’m far to critical and I’m not here to hurt feelings. As far as the ‘real world’ as I call it, I have told a few friends. It’s hard keeping this secret so close. I don’t think of them when I write so never sensor what I say in that respect. I am who I am. I would never tell someone that I think would judge me for it. Those people aren’t worth my time anyway.

    I hope we do meet someday…are you sure we haven’t met yet? I don’t go by Rebecca in the swinger atmosphere….I use my real name. And why wouldn’t we have sex??? 🙂

    July 1, 2012 at 7:49 am

    • We’ve very likely not met, RA. Mrs. AP and I have only been to Eyz once — see my post Popped That Cherry — and we talked to few people. Mrs. AP and I are the rare couple seeking the single bi male; we really don’t key in on couples. If we both take a liking to Soccer Dad and Mrs. AP does a double take on you, well, who knows what could happen. But since my schedule doesn’t allow us to get out on the weekends, and we don’t want to go back to Eyz on a Wednesday or Thursday, even that off chance is some time off.

      July 1, 2012 at 8:16 am

  2. naughtytashamber

    When I first started my blog I was super open about it to friends. I even gave them the link. I never censored what I said because I knew that they wouldn’t read it. Or they wouldn’t care what I wrote if they did read it.

    When I started blogging again after a (too long) break, I only told a few people about it. I kind of regret telling some of those people because now they do read it and I want to vent about them. I have found myself censoring a lot of thoughts and feelings. I am not too proud of that. It’s my blog, I should write about what I want.

    July 1, 2012 at 2:22 pm

    • I think you should write what you want and how you want. It’s your voice, and in the end, I think honest, open writing is what is most attractive. From my perspective, if somebody I know takes so much offense with my writing that ties are cut, I didn’t really have a good relationship with that person anyway. I don’t want friends who can’t handle differences of opinion or lifestyle.

      July 2, 2012 at 12:17 am

  3. Mr. AP,

    There are a lot of opinions on the subject. I would love to have the profile and following of Mrs Ammon, but an not sure what it would do to my writing. Luckily, my career takes me all over the world every few years, so I can pretty much say what I want without feeling self censored.

    I cannot see myself outing myself too often, but i do enjoy that giddy school girl feeling it gives me – not that I was ever a school girl.

    Thanks for the shout out. Let me know if work or pleasure take you to Miami in the next 365 days – yes, we are into countdown mode until the next assignment.

    TTFN
    Mr. No Name

    July 1, 2012 at 11:52 pm

    • Mr. NN,

      Thank you for the invitation. I can’t say what the next year holds for me regarding travel — the current estimate includes a possible move to NYC or Orlando or staying in the Tampa – St. Petersburg area with potential travel to Denver, Dallas, San Francisco, and others – but if Miami / Ft. Lauderdale hits the list you’ll be sure to hear from me.

      I like to think I do a good job of writing freely. This is my space, after all. I don’t intend to lose it.

      July 2, 2012 at 12:22 am

  4. Wow, I didn’t realize you have been blogging only 3 months!!! I had a vanilla blog that I did for a few years and it was kinda popular as it was read by at least 100 people. So that is popular to me! lol I also met people from different countries and have remained friends with them (we even exchange gifts). I was slightly anon, I didn’t use my name, but did use my kids. My fear was that my ex-husband would find and read it. So far, so good. Yet I don’t blog there anymore (I would like to start again someday).

    As for my current active blog, I have been pretty daring with pics and such. I would lose my job if I was outed. I have gave NO ONE the link to my blog, even those people who I know I could trust. I want to be honest and I want to be open. Like naughtytashamber, I think I would regret it if I gave friends the link, what if I wanted to complain about them! lol. I have told people I have a blog. In fact, i even copy the post and send it or post it (it’s posted on a private group on FB). It’s kinda funny, I was going to blog about being outed tonight (too tired) after MNN posted on the subject.

    My blog is my therapy for now, it is freeing. I hope I don’t ever have to delete it!

    July 2, 2012 at 12:48 am

    • I too hope you never have to delete your blog. You’re a joy to read.

      Thank you for the compliments. I make no secret about wanting to be a positive influence through my writing, and while I know with practice I will add more polish I’m going to take the idea that I don’t come across as a novice and run with it.

      July 2, 2012 at 2:17 am

  5. I won’t ever reveal myself or my blog. Mostly because I share a lot about me and my wife, and since she doesn’t participate her anonymity needs to be protected. If for whatever reason it was compromised, I would have no choice but to delete it all to protect her.

    I don’t see that happening, but you just never know.

    I think if we were into lifestyles like swinging or any similarly sexually liberal thinking people to us, I would probably feel more comfortable revealing aspects about my online self.

    July 10, 2012 at 11:11 am

    • It’s a fine line to walk, certainly. I’m lucky to live in a metropolitan area that has large communities for all 3 major “fringe” groups of Swing, Fetish, and Poly, but if I were removed from both the large general population and the local groups I would be more worried. Support systems, real and imagined, make a great deal of difference, I think.

      Stay SINful
      Mr. AP

      July 10, 2012 at 7:05 pm

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