To Kiss and Tell
After Mr. No Name posted about his coming out as a Swinger and a Sex-Blogger to a colleague (with favorable results so far, detailed in his post Busted!) I got to thinking about how I feel about Going Public. On the one hand, my relative anonymity here enables me to write unfiltered and uncensored without having to give any thought or worry to what somebody I know will say in response to what I’ve posted. On the other hand, I’m very open and honest in my writing here and provide links to social and dating sites where I hold active profiles. Anybody who knows me and goes searching from here through those sites would very quickly recognize me. There will come a day — a day I deem eventually inevitable — when my presence here will become irrevocably public. The question then becomes, how will I react?
One of my primary concerns since I started this blog nearly 3 months ago (really? only 3 months?) is that my career is one that has involved and will involve again working closely with government agencies whose names are typically reduced to convenient acronyms or letter combinations. The background and security checks required for such contracts typically is invasive enough to prevent somebody with an uncleared domestic issue to be denied access to the contract. If I lose my anonymity here, would that begin registering in the checks? I doubt it, but if it did, what would the repercussions be? I’m not sure, but I’m still here, so I must be willing to risk it.
My secondary concern is how I might inadvertently censor myself if I know, in person, who members of my reading audience are. My blogroll has been growing steadily, and I’ve developed a nice sense of community so far with people like the aforementioned Mr. No Name, with Josh and BB, with Freaky V, and others. I know I will likely meet none of these people in person, but even if I do, they’re established regulars enough so that knowing they’re reading my thoughts won’t change my approach. But what if I meet somebody local, like Karen Blue or Rebecca Ammon? They’re both much more established in the Tampa area than I, and I know both are likely to tell of our encounter (which I don’t expect would be anything sexual, but even conversations are up for grab here). What’s an up and coming Sex Blogger to do?
My hope and goal, for which I work very hard, is to never censor myself here. I want to always be open and honest and detailed in my experiences and feelings. If this means that I one day write of an encounter with somebody I know is reading this blog, my hope is that the other party or parties involved understands will know my thoughts and feelings before I hit the Publish button. For me, openness and honesty is something for which I strive not only in my postings here but also in how I approach people online and in person. If I enjoy the company of somebody I want him/her to know it. If I have an issue with something being said or done, I want to address. This space is my release and my creative outlet, yes, but I want it to also serve as a reflection for how I operate in the rest of my life.
Yes, I will change names of those who Mrs. AP and I play with so as to offer some semblance of protection, unless otherwise requested. Yes, I will make use of vivid detail that delves into the realm of erotica when I tell of those encounters. And yes, somebody may figure out who we are and recognize a post about our time together. It’s a risk I’m willing to take.
After all, doesn’t anything worth doing include an element of risk?
Stay SINful, friends.