An Absinthe-Loving, Polyamorous, Kinky, Sex-Positive Couple talk about all things Sex, Kink, and LGBTQ.

When a Unicorn isn’t a Unicorn

There’s a term nearly everybody in the Swinger world, the BDSM world, and the Polyamorous world is familiar with, summarized in one neat, pretty, sparkly mental image of one word: Unicorn.  On the surface it’s a simple term, relating to the mythical creature of lore that is rumored to exist but is nearly impossible to find.  Furthermore, once found, it’s nearly impossible to keep, for after all, nobody can really own a unicorn.  Anybody who’s ever seen the film Legend knows that much.

There becomes a problem of definition among different groups, though.  I didn’t know this until recently, when a discussion broke out among several discussion groups on FetLife.  When “The Group” was asked to provide a definition of a Unicorn, the responses that came back astounded me.  The most broad definition (and the one with which I was most familiar) is a single woman who is willing and eager to join an existing couple for sexual escapades.  Turns out, among some circles, this definition is far too broad and is refined to the point so that nearly nobody could ever be found to meet it.  For example, one person (and I paraphrase) said that a true Unicorn is a young, naive, beautiful woman who agrees to move in with a couple sight unseen to be a sub/slave to the Dom Master male of the house, is only allowed to engage in sex acts with the Dom Master male unless he specifically orders her to engage in sex acts with other females in the house.  I was floored.  I never thought to include such restrictive terms in the definition, much less construe the chutzpah it would take to tell a woman that I could play with other vaginas but she was limited to only a single penis.  The lack of balance there is astounding.  But it got me thinking, if somebody can define a Unicorn in this fashion, are there other unexplored definitions that could come to be applied?

For example, Mrs. AP and I are the unusual couple in the Swinger world; She’s heteroflexible only for a very specific female archetype, whereas I’m bisexual/queer.  This pairing doesn’t work well in the Swinger world, as finding an openly Bi male is difficult, and finding a couple who can activate both of our Sexy Senses where both partners are Bi (or at least flexible) even more so.  Does that make the Bi Male Swinger OUR Unicorn?  Or, in reverse, are we the Unicorn Couple for the Single Bi Male?

What about in the Poly world?  The intrinsic approach that Mrs. AP and I take to Poly is that it’s dating, just as a couple.  This approach includes the expectation of sex as we date, even before things become Super Serious.  Approaching it as a couple, though, does this mean our Unicorn is still the Single Bi Male?  Could it also include the attached or married Bi Male as long as we’re not expected to date his other partner/s as well?  What if he’s Bi and only dating another guy?  Do we look to date both of them or just him?

When we throw BDSM into the mix we get a recipe for mass confusion.  Mrs. AP is an incredibly talented natural Domme, but with the right partner she’ll go Switch.  I’m a Switch with a slight sub lean, as going Dom requires a different headspace than my normal mindset.  As such, Mrs. AP and I cann work well with another Dom, another sub, and a Switch.  Does that make the Single Bi Male Switch our Unicorn?  Are we his?  And does that only include BDSM play with no sex?  I can’t imagine it would, not with all the fun positions one or more of us could be made to hold during rope bondage.

In the end, I think the whole matter becomes so convoluted that applying a neat and easy label to it is unfeasible.  Mrs. AP and I are open to finding love and play with some person/s with whom we all have good chemistry and can complement each other well.  In the end, isn’t that what good relationships, in any form, are all about?


Stay SINful, friends.

4 responses

  1. My head hurts.

    June 18, 2012 at 6:49 pm

  2. DarkLantern

    When I joined FetLife, this term confused me. Though I had heard my mother speak of people called unicorns before, she said when she was my age, it meant a male virgin. As in “A horned creature that is hard to find and quick to disappear.” This new definition left me lost for weeks.

    May 16, 2015 at 2:33 am

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