An Absinthe-Loving, Polyamorous, Kinky, Sex-Positive Couple talk about all things Sex, Kink, and LGBTQ.

Archive for June, 2012

Dressing the Part

When it comes to any event, it’s always best to dress in accordance with the accepted norms for the event.  Just as one would not wear a bikini to a formal event or vice versa, one should be mindful of the proper attire when visiting a place like Eyz Wide Shut.   While EWS is a Swinger’s Club and the idea is to “dress to impress”, everybody has a different idea of just what exactly that entails.  EWS attempts to make this easier for attendees by laying out a dress code that is, I expect, very similar to other similar establishments.  As they outline in their Dress Code portion of the FAQ, men and women should wear as follows:

Women

  • Business Casual
  • Sexy Dresses
  • Stylish Jeans
  • Dress Pants
  • Heels, Sandals, or Dress Shoes

Men

  • Business Casual
  • Collar / Tailored Shirts or Pullovers
  • Stylish Jeans
  • Dress Pants
  • Dress Shoes

This all sounds simple, right?  It’s general Club Attire, designed to catch the eye and let others know how ready to play one might be.  But what if your idea of Club Attire is different from the norm?  What if the only club you’ve ever frequented, in fact the only club where you’ve ever felt a sense of belonging, has a different sort of dress code?  What then?

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Community

Community.  The word generates a multitude of images, different for each person.  For some it’s the large, bustling neighborhoods of the city.  Elsewhere, it’s the sprawling lands of the loosely populated rural areas where everybody knows not only their own neighbor but everyone else’s as well.  Still other images are those of closed religious communities, huddled inside their compounds isolated from the western world.  There’s the Amish, or the Native American, or the Hispanic communities as well; anybody in Pennsylvania, the Great Plains, or Miami can attest to the feeling of unity and togetherness found within those groups.  In all examples, the people can easily gather and rally to support and improve their community.  But what about us on the fringe, who are connected not by physical proximity but by interest and lifestyle?  How do we go about cultivating, growing, and maintaining our communities?

In Tampa, all three of the Lifestyle communities — Swinger, Fetish/BDSM, and Polyamory — have relatively large and active populations.  In many instances there is overlap between two of three of these communities, although I believe that overlap exists more greatly between Fetish and Poly than between any other combination.  In part, I think, this is attributable to the fact that both Fetish/BDSM and Poly are more intrinsically built around developing longer relationships and exploring the boundaries of those relationships, which takes time.  This is not to say that Swinger and Fet  or Swinger and Poly cannot or do not overlap; there is certainly a fair amount of partner swapping among BDSM play partners, and several Poly people visit Swinger events.  I simply have not seen the evidence of as wide a crossover in those categories, at least not here.  In other places it may be different.  Which brings us back to the question, how do we explore and improve these communities?

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When it Rains…

We all know the saying, right?  It’s all too applicable tonight.  As I type this, Tropical Storm Debby is nearly stationary in the northeast Gulf of Mexico.  The feeder bands from the storm are pounding the Tampa – Clearwater – St. Petersburg statistical metropolitan area.  The rain has been nearly constant for over 24 hours, possibly 36.

As a naturalized Floridian (I’ve been living here almost a decade, I have to count myself as one now) I am accustomed to named storms hitting Florida.  I was living in Orlando in 2004 when we were hit by 3 hurricanes in 4 weeks.  When a storm rolls through quickly it can do some decent damage, but at least it passes.  This thing has just been sitting and doesn’t look like it’s moving anywhere soon.  Some forecasts estimate Debby will sit where she is another 2 days.

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Why I Came Out

I make no secret in this space that I consider myself Bi/Queer.   Comments I’ve made on other blogs hold this fact in no secret either.  While it took me some time to become comfortable with this aspect of my personality and my being, it took me much longer to fully come out, despite the the fact that I knew growing up that I liked boys and girls alike.  I first started with very close friends in my early-mids 20’s, and I was up-front about it with my now ex-wife when she and I began dating.  For nearly a decade, though, I held that part of myself secret from my parents and my brother.  I knew, considering the environment in which I was raised and the religious proclivities of my parents, that such a revelation would prove disastrous to our relationship.  Despite the very Christian claims of “Love the Sinner, hate the Sin” I knew from my experience in my early 20’s of my parents finding out that I don’t consider myself Christian that the amount of preaching about my “choices” would be a large contingent of every conversation we had for months, if not years, after I told them.  I knew they would withdraw from me, and I from them; that I would, in effect, lose my family.  Why, knowing this ahead of time, would I choose to come out instead of just keeping things quiet and following the established protocols?  Why would I choose to alienate myself from people who might not be able to handle the news?

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If the car is a rockin…

Mrs. AP and I are in the market for a new vehicle.  We’re limited on the income scale at the moment, so we’re looking more for used, but it occurs to me that we can be looking for a perk benefit in whatever vehicle we do pick.  So, with that in mind…

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When Size Does Matter

Ask nearly every male who is sexually active — or who wishes he were — what his primary concern is relating to sexual performance and his answer will relate to the size of the package in his pants.   In a 2006 survey by UCLA, 66% of men thought themselves to be of average length (girth was not measured) and 45% of wished they were (as Tom Hanks once said) bigger.  Conversely, 85% of women respondents reported there respective partners parts were average or large and were quite happy with the state of things.  This tells us that we men worry about the size of our wee men more than our female counterparts do, but it doesn’t answer the question most men are asking at this point: What exactly IS the average size?

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SINful Friends Are Awesome

Thank you, SINful friends.  The many of you who visited and visited and revisited again yesterday kicked my page views to nearly 200 for the day, a number I never expected to see after only 60 posts.  While I’m sure it will be some time again before I see such a thing, I wanted to let you all know that I appreciate the attention and love and support.   This may be my own little venting / therapy / expository corner of the internet, but that doesn’t mean I don’t like the company.  All of you, and the wonderful community built of you, makes this endeavor far more fun and enjoyable than it would be otherwise.  Many thanks.

 

Stay SINful, friends.