An Absinthe-Loving, Polyamorous, Kinky, Sex-Positive Couple talk about all things Sex, Kink, and LGBTQ.

30 Days of Truth, Day 25 : The reason you believe you’re still alive today.

Here we are, back and better than ever with another entry into the 30 Days of Truth series.  Shall we?


Day 25

The reason you believe you’re still alive today.


I can, and do, easily attribute many an external source to why I haven’t done something terribly stupid or disastrous to prevent my still being here today.  For example, I was wearing my helmet when a bald eagle dive-bombed me at age 14 and tried to take my head off, gouging deep grooves into the fiberglass.  Had I been without a helmet I would have likely bled to death on the nature trail.  Or there’s the time when I fell backwards into a half-contructed in-ground pool and missed a water line pipe by 6 inches only by throwing all my body weight forward.   The times I’ve suffered terrible bouts of depression only to have a wonderful person show up in my life to help me see the good around me and turn things around.  In an especially wonderful manner Mrs. AbsinthePassion did this for me and helped pull me back from the edge.  All these are great and wonderful reasons that deserve full credit.  But the biggest, deepest reason why I’m still alive today is much simpler.  I’m too stubborn to quit.

I’ve had nights where I’ve stood at the peak of the roof of my old 2-story house, looked 30 feet down to the ground, and wondered if I could jump and land on my neck without bracing my fall.  I’ve looked at the very sharp knives in the knife block and wondered if I could sever an artery.  I’ve sat behind the wheel of my car wondering if I could survive a crash into a barrier wall if I could top 100 and take off my seatbelt.  Yes, I have had the suicidal thoughts while caught in the grips of agonizing depression from which I saw no escape.  Pulling back from those thoughts was extremely difficult.  The urge to give in, let go, and try to leave is overwhelmingly powerful.  Every time, though, I thought of something else I still had to do, something I was determined to not leave unfinished, and the stubborn determination to not quit on something not even yet started helped pull me through.

Some day I will live in Europe.  Some day I will vacation in Tokyo.  Some day I will see equal rights granted to every gender and sexual identity in this country.  Some day I will hold my grandchildren and spoil them completely.  Some day I will be old with Mrs. AP looking back on everything we accomplished together and I’ll laugh and smile.  Some day I will do these things.

Until then, I’m here to stay.


Stay SINful, friends.

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