An Absinthe-Loving, Polyamorous, Kinky, Sex-Positive Couple talk about all things Sex, Kink, and LGBTQ.

Archive for May, 2012

Bi-Curious Doesn’t Exist

I have a bone to pick with every person out there on dating sites, swinger sites, BDSM sites, Adult Sites, and every other site in which one or more people are looking to find somebody sitting within a particular category or another of sexual or gender identity.  For years, this term Bi-Curious has been available as an option, as if to indicate that a person is uncertain about one’s own proclivities until experience has been gained.  This is the underlying concept with which I disagree, and the more I think about it, the stronger that disagreement becomes.

The whole concept behind Bi-Curious is that one does not “Really Know” if one likes members of the same sex until one has attempted some sort of sexual interaction.  This concept is bullshit.  Complete, utter, inane, homophobic bullshit.

You may be thinking, “but that can’t be bullshit!  How can you really know until you try it?”  You want to know how?  You really need me to tell you how the label of Bi-Curious is an stinking pile of logical fallacy?



30 Days of Truth, Day 27 : What’s the best thing going for you right now?

Down to the last stretch of the 30 Days of Truth series, with only 4 posts remaining.  Let’s see what we have on deck today.


Day 27

What’s the best thing going for you right now?


It Gets Better and STOP Teenage Suicide

My last 2 entries in the 30 Days of Truth series got me thinking quite a good deal about the struggles I’ve faced throughout my life, and in particular about how I often felt incredibly lonely, alone, and misunderstood as a teenager.  While I am absolutely certain this is true of nearly every teenager on the planet — after all, shifting hormonal levels combined with re-appropriations of neural pathways as the brain circuitry is re-wired is enough to cause frustration in anybody — it is no small secret that teenagers who identify anywhere within the LGBTQ spectrum face more isolation and persecution than any other demographic subset, especially in conservative or fundamentalist countries (or sections of countries, such as the Southeastern United States).   A great deal of evidence supports this, but even without the evidence, I know how that struggle feels.  As trite and cliche and overused as the phrase may be, I have been there and yes, it does get better.

I am living proof that it gets better.  Nor am I alone in this proof.  Dan Savage started the It Gets Better Project.  At the time of this writing there are 520,703 people who have pledged to support and spread the word about the IGB Project, myself included.  This is an absolutely invaluable resource for ANY person within the LGBTQ community who feels lost, alone, isolated, depressed, or in despair.  Featured front and center on the site are videos from people who have face the same struggles and found a way through to the other side (no, I am not among that number [yet?]) to find something bigger and brighter.   These people were shunned, beaten, persecuted, isolated, excommunicated, and whatnot, but they got through it.  They found love and support and happiness.  If the videos are not inspirational enough, however, at the top of the page is the link to Get Help, wherein is the number to the Trevor Project along with a drop-down box to select each U.S. State, which results in displaying every available help group and center in the state.  Within my current  state of Florida there are 49 entries listed!


30 Days of Truth, Day 26 : Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?

In an effort to catch up, here’s another 30 Days of Truth entry hot on the heels of the previous entry!  Madness!  Insanity!  Mayhem!  Sounds like fun, right?


Day 26

Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?


30 Days of Truth, Day 25 : The reason you believe you’re still alive today.

Here we are, back and better than ever with another entry into the 30 Days of Truth series.  Shall we?


Day 25

The reason you believe you’re still alive today.


Sexuality and Gender in Modern Times

I was reading an amazingly fantastic and thought provoking article in New York Magazine on the growing number of parents who are accepting and assisting their children — sometimes very young children — with gender dysphoria issues.  The article can be found here and is worth every minute it takes to read.  As I was reading these deeply touching stories of families who’s children know they’re in the wrong gender bodies and fear the results of the onset of adolescence, I started wondering how I would react if any of my children began expressing these similar fears and concerns and assertions.

I know the struggles I faced growing up trying to match my desires and urges with what family and society expected of me.  In a way I still struggle, albeit it less every day, because the act of unlearning fear and shame and anxiety is not completed overnight.  My dynamic dance between pride and embarrassment, however well choreographed, still leaves my improvising the next step more often than not.  I know I have no reason to feel shame, or to cow to the perceived expectations of a nameless and faceless Society, yet the underpinnings are still there awaiting the day I finally remove the cracked foundation and pour a fresh, solid slab.

So I wonder, with a great deal of empathy, how much of a struggle it must be for children to have to not only face the conflict of desiring a romantic relationship counter to the accepted societal norm but also face the daily, inescapable reminder that the physical gender identity does not match that with which the brain associates.  I could sneak surreptitious appreciative glances at other guys and not get caught, or focus on erotica in the privacy of my own room.  For the child experiencing gender dysphoria there is no escape; s/he is reminded during every bladder movement, every changing of clothes, every bath or shower or trip to the beach or swim in the pool that the body parts are wrong.


30 Days of Truth, Day 24 : Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)

On with another update in the 30 Days of Truth series!  This one changes it up from the established form thus far.  Let’s see what it brings us, shall we?


Day 24

Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)