An Absinthe-Loving, Polyamorous, Kinky, Sex-Positive Couple talk about all things Sex, Kink, and LGBTQ.

Archive for May, 2012

Bi-Curious Doesn’t Exist

I have a bone to pick with every person out there on dating sites, swinger sites, BDSM sites, Adult Sites, and every other site in which one or more people are looking to find somebody sitting within a particular category or another of sexual or gender identity.  For years, this term Bi-Curious has been available as an option, as if to indicate that a person is uncertain about one’s own proclivities until experience has been gained.  This is the underlying concept with which I disagree, and the more I think about it, the stronger that disagreement becomes.

The whole concept behind Bi-Curious is that one does not “Really Know” if one likes members of the same sex until one has attempted some sort of sexual interaction.  This concept is bullshit.  Complete, utter, inane, homophobic bullshit.

You may be thinking, “but that can’t be bullshit!  How can you really know until you try it?”  You want to know how?  You really need me to tell you how the label of Bi-Curious is an stinking pile of logical fallacy?

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30 Days of Truth, Day 27 : What’s the best thing going for you right now?

Down to the last stretch of the 30 Days of Truth series, with only 4 posts remaining.  Let’s see what we have on deck today.

 

Day 27

What’s the best thing going for you right now?

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It Gets Better and STOP Teenage Suicide

My last 2 entries in the 30 Days of Truth series got me thinking quite a good deal about the struggles I’ve faced throughout my life, and in particular about how I often felt incredibly lonely, alone, and misunderstood as a teenager.  While I am absolutely certain this is true of nearly every teenager on the planet — after all, shifting hormonal levels combined with re-appropriations of neural pathways as the brain circuitry is re-wired is enough to cause frustration in anybody — it is no small secret that teenagers who identify anywhere within the LGBTQ spectrum face more isolation and persecution than any other demographic subset, especially in conservative or fundamentalist countries (or sections of countries, such as the Southeastern United States).   A great deal of evidence supports this, but even without the evidence, I know how that struggle feels.  As trite and cliche and overused as the phrase may be, I have been there and yes, it does get better.

I am living proof that it gets better.  Nor am I alone in this proof.  Dan Savage started the It Gets Better Project.  At the time of this writing there are 520,703 people who have pledged to support and spread the word about the IGB Project, myself included.  This is an absolutely invaluable resource for ANY person within the LGBTQ community who feels lost, alone, isolated, depressed, or in despair.  Featured front and center on the site are videos from people who have face the same struggles and found a way through to the other side (no, I am not among that number [yet?]) to find something bigger and brighter.   These people were shunned, beaten, persecuted, isolated, excommunicated, and whatnot, but they got through it.  They found love and support and happiness.  If the videos are not inspirational enough, however, at the top of the page is the link to Get Help, wherein is the number to the Trevor Project along with a drop-down box to select each U.S. State, which results in displaying every available help group and center in the state.  Within my current  state of Florida there are 49 entries listed!

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30 Days of Truth, Day 26 : Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?

In an effort to catch up, here’s another 30 Days of Truth entry hot on the heels of the previous entry!  Madness!  Insanity!  Mayhem!  Sounds like fun, right?

 

Day 26

Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?

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30 Days of Truth, Day 25 : The reason you believe you’re still alive today.

Here we are, back and better than ever with another entry into the 30 Days of Truth series.  Shall we?

 

Day 25

The reason you believe you’re still alive today.

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Sexuality and Gender in Modern Times

I was reading an amazingly fantastic and thought provoking article in New York Magazine on the growing number of parents who are accepting and assisting their children — sometimes very young children — with gender dysphoria issues.  The article can be found here and is worth every minute it takes to read.  As I was reading these deeply touching stories of families who’s children know they’re in the wrong gender bodies and fear the results of the onset of adolescence, I started wondering how I would react if any of my children began expressing these similar fears and concerns and assertions.

I know the struggles I faced growing up trying to match my desires and urges with what family and society expected of me.  In a way I still struggle, albeit it less every day, because the act of unlearning fear and shame and anxiety is not completed overnight.  My dynamic dance between pride and embarrassment, however well choreographed, still leaves my improvising the next step more often than not.  I know I have no reason to feel shame, or to cow to the perceived expectations of a nameless and faceless Society, yet the underpinnings are still there awaiting the day I finally remove the cracked foundation and pour a fresh, solid slab.

So I wonder, with a great deal of empathy, how much of a struggle it must be for children to have to not only face the conflict of desiring a romantic relationship counter to the accepted societal norm but also face the daily, inescapable reminder that the physical gender identity does not match that with which the brain associates.  I could sneak surreptitious appreciative glances at other guys and not get caught, or focus on erotica in the privacy of my own room.  For the child experiencing gender dysphoria there is no escape; s/he is reminded during every bladder movement, every changing of clothes, every bath or shower or trip to the beach or swim in the pool that the body parts are wrong.

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30 Days of Truth, Day 24 : Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)

On with another update in the 30 Days of Truth series!  This one changes it up from the established form thus far.  Let’s see what it brings us, shall we?

 

Day 24

Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)

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30 Days of Truth, Day 23 : Something you wish you had done in your life.

On with another update in the 30 Days of Truth series.  And look!  It’s only been 42 days since I started this exercise.  Let’s just say I’m not timely and move on to the update, shall we?

 

Day 23

Something you wish you had done in your life.

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Stress Sucks

SINful friends, thank you for weathering the relative absence felt here over the past few weeks.  I know my posts have largely been limited to my 30 Days of Truth updates — a noble endeavor in it’s own right — which aren’t incredibly titillating.   My absence is largely attributable to that one common malady of the modern human condition; stress!

(Pun intended) I can’t stress this enough; I don’t always handle stress well.  While I can usually maintain a calm demeanor and keep a cool head about me, the trade-off of me not going into screaming rages and becoming hostile to those around me is that my interest level in non-critical aspects of my life takes a severe beating.  While I love this space and love my regular readers, when I can either dedicate my time to Mrs. AbsinthePassion and our family or make an posting here, this web space will lose out.

I don’t want to leave all of your in the lurch, though; our relationship is still developing, but I’m still dedicated to being open and honest here and using this space to connect with people.  Whether I don’t reach anybody at all or I eventually help somebody better cope with his situation, I want this little corner of the digital realm to be one where truth, openness, and acceptance prevail.

As such, here’s a little bit of what we’ve been dealing with lately that has kicked my stress level into insanity levels:

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30 Days of Truth, Day 22 : Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.

Another Monday, another entry in the 30 Days of Truth series.  On with the show!

 

Day 22

Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.

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30 Days of Truth, Day 21 : (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?

It’s time for another update in the 30 Days of Truth series.  Let’s jump right into it, shall we?

 

Day 21

(scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?

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30 Days of Truth, Day 20 : Your views on drugs and alcohol.

Back with another one of those block rocking, err, 30 days of Truth entries!  Sorry, had a little Chemical Brothers moment there.  Anyway, on with the show!

 

Day 20

Your views on drugs and alcohol.

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30 Days of Truth, Day 19 : What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?

Almost two-thirds complete!  On with another entry in the 30 Days of Truth series!

 

Day 19

What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?

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A mess is best

We’ve all seen the scenes in films and television series where a couple has just finished having a round between the sheets and they’re recomposing themselves with a nice, slightly rumpled sheet covering them as they engage in pillow talk.  Maybe the man and woman are side by side, not touching, with the sheet down by his waist but hiked up to cover her chest.  Maybe she’s resting her head on his chest, his hand slowly playing with her hair.  In every scenario, though, the theme always remains the same:  they just got done having sex and the bed looks perfect.

Who ARE these people?  How are they having any kind of sex that doesn’t result in the sheets being kicked off the bed, pillows being knocked off, and there being at least one wet spot that neither person wants to roll into?

Mrs. AbsinthePassion and I cannot keep sheets on the bed, or at least not the top sheet, once we get into the groove.  We’ve even tried staying between the sheets on a few occasions, and every time we do the sheets ends up being tossed away after we start entangling ourselves in it.  Pillows often start following suit, as more often than not one will try to fall on us or get in the way and in the heat of the moment it just gets tossed somewhere.   And let’s not forget the fact that oftentimes we’re going to have to change the sheets if we don’t first put down some sort of protective pad, because Mrs. AP is a squirter.

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30 Days of Truth, Day 18 : Your views on gay marriage.

It’s a 2 for 1 special today in the 30 Days of Truth series!  Hey, I fell behind and need to catch up.  So, here we go:

Day 18

Your views on gay marriage.

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30 Days of Truth, Day 17 : A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.

Alright, so home stuff and lingering allergy issues knocked me out of commission here for awhile.  I’m trying to get back into it, and as such, here’s another entry in the 30 Days of Truth series!

 

Day 17

A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.

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Pleasure in absentia

Last night (or is it still tonight since the sun still sleeps?) Mrs. AbsinthePassion was accompanied to Fetish Circuit’s Fetish Ball by our good friend Railgun.  I have been stuck at work throughout the night, but I’m sure She looked fantastic and had a splendid time.

 

I can’t wait to get home and hear all about it.

 

Stay SINful, friends.


30 Days of Truth, Day 16 : Someone or something you definitely could live without.

Just a tick over halfway through the 30 Days of Truth series.  On with today’s show, yes?

 

Day 16

Someone or something you definitely could live without.

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30 Days of Truth, Day 15 : Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.

We’ve reached the midway point of the 30 Days of Truth series!  I’m still trying to play catch-up on the days I missed, so here’s the second update of the day!

 

Day 15

Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.

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30 Days of Truth, Day 14 : A hero that has let you down. (letter)

Trying to catch up on my lag in the 30 Days of Truth series.  Here’s another one that took some thought to hammer out.

Day 14

A hero that has let you down. (letter)

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30 Days of Truth, Day 13 : A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)

I have been away a few days from my 30 Days of Truth series updates.  I’ve had a whirlwind of things at home in the real world with which I’ve been dealing, including a minor illness the past 3 days.  I do apologize and will do my best to make it up.  Better late than never, as they day, so let’s get on with it, shall we?

Day 13

A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)

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What’s Your Fantasy?

Fantasies.  We all have them.  Some are relatively tame, some are relatively wild, but they all come down to one thing — satisfying some part within that yearns.  Yearns for a tropical vacation for a week; yearns for a backpacking trip across Europe; yearns for a sexual experience that would make even Jenna Jameson blush.

Sometimes people repress their fantasies.  I know for a great time I did.  My emotional state was in such turmoil that I stopped fantasizing.  I had Mrs. AbsinthePassion satisfying so many of my needs and was so scared of ever losing that security and comfort that my fantasies went on their own fantasy vacations.  Only as I’ve become comfortable with myself again, and worked through my own issues, hangups, and mental blocks have my fantasies been returning.

Thankfully, gratefully, Mrs. AP and I being both open and active on the Poly/Swing spectrum enables us both to pursue fantasies that would leave most Vanilla couples balking.  A MMF threesome?  Some couples can’t handle that, but as my lovely regular readers (thank you all!) know, Mrs. AP and I are no strangers to having another guy involved.  Thus far, our action in such threesomes has involved either having Mrs. AP being spit-roasted (whether by 2 cocks or by cock and hand, whatever) or the other guy and I being involved in some male-on-male oral action while Mrs. AP watches.  Some variation of these themes has thus far stayed true.  But in my mind (and hers) there are things we still yearn to do.  Things we crave to try.  Things about which we fantasize.

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30 Days of Truth, Day 12 : Something you never get compliments on.

Today brings us yet another fun entry in the 30 Days of Truth series.  Today we expand on yesterday’s theme.

 

Day 12

Something you never get compliments on.

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Keeping Kink, Poly, and Swinging Safe

As I have mentioned several times before, I am a member on FetLife.  For those not in “The Know”, FetLife is a social networking site that caters specifically to Kinksters, Fetishists, and the BDSM Lifestyle.  It is NOT a dating site, although people have met and do meet new partners through the site.  The intent behind FetLife is to encourage communication among members, share information about local events, and to help everybody within the BDSM Lifestyle grow.  In this vein, any member can register to start a new Group, similar to the Groups on Facebook.  The theme of the group can be anything; for example, one very large Group is Kinky and Geeky.  Another is “Swingers” is not a bad word!  There are groups for those who enjoy strap-on play; groups for those who are or like women who squirt.  Groups for people under 35, or stay up late, are Polyamorous, or live in particular areas are also prevalent.

Through joining these groups and participating in the very active discussion threads — these groups operate more like the early 2000’s message boards, wherein multiple topics are used for beginning discussion threads — members can expand their social network, learn things about nearly every subject imaginable, and generally become better partners both in and out of the Kink and Fetish scenes.  And, as with every other social network of note out there, members can write Journal Entries (think Facebook’s Notes) to share something outside one of the Groups.  Journal Entries and pictures have a “Love This?” button similar to Facebook’s “Like” feature.  Where Fetlife differs, however, is that pictures, videos, and journal entries that receive a great amount of love within a short period of time end up in the Kinky and Popular feed.

The Kinky and Popular feed is a page dedicated to the items of the day (or even time of day on a busy day) that has been clicked on the most for the “Love This” button.  As expected of a site geared toward adult members, the majority of the pictures, videos, and articles are of an adult nature, and in theme with the site often have an element of Kink, Fetish, or BDSM to them.  Some exquisite Shibari rope bondage work has been featured, including one woman suspended with multiple ropes stretched out to resemble angels wings.  Some of the artists and models are truly majestic in their presentations.  However, mixed in with all the imagery are the journal articles, and lately there has been a theme.  A theme of utmost importance within not only the Fetish/BDSM Lifestyle but also among the Swinger and Poly Lifestyle.  This theme is consent.

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