An Absinthe-Loving, Polyamorous, Kinky, Sex-Positive Couple talk about all things Sex, Kink, and LGBTQ.

Defining your sexuality

We see it all the time.  Whether we’re creating an account on Facebook, OKCupid, FetLife, SwingLifeStyle, or wherever, we get asked the same basic questions every time:

* What is your gender?

* What are you looking for / what is your sexuality?

On most sites the options are limited and straightforward.  Answer Male or Female to the first question, and answer Straight, Gay, or Bisexual to the second question.  This is the commonly accepted binary form of thinking in regard to how human beings are constructed and therefore operate.  But what happens when the question becomes more involved?

The Gay Rights movement has slowly shifted into the LGBTQ Movement (although many people often leave off the Q at the end) and each of those letters should carry equal weight.  The first three — Lesbian, Gay, and Bisexual — are the most commonly bandied terms, yet in terms of Equal Rights some could argue that the Bisexual people are left behind.  After all, two Lesbians may marry in many states now, as may two Gay men.  What happens when I Bisexual Poly individual falls in love with and wishes to marry both a Man and a Woman?  The question is sure to raise eyebrows everywhere, and thus far, such kinds of marriage are only allowed in select European countries.  But I digress.

The following two letters in that group — Transgender/Transexual and Queer — are often left out of the discussion as well.  They simply do not fit within the typical binary system of Man and Woman.  They are the “in betweens”, and in some very rare cases do physically embody both sexes.  Most times, they simply refer to individuals who feel as though the physical form does not match the inner form, as we most often hear from the more famous Post-Operation Transformative individuals.  Chaz Bono is perhaps one of the more famous examples of such individuals.

But what about Queer?  

Growing up, Queer meant Gay where I lived.  These days, Queer is taking on a new meaning within the LGBTQ community, in much the same way people of varying colors have been reclaiming derogatory terms used against them.  Queer is now more similar to Bisexual, but with a more ambiguous tone regarding the actual gender of the individual.  Queer can be claimed by anybody, regardless of the physical nature of the genitalia attached.

I identify as Queer.  To borrow from my OKCupid and Fetlife profiles:  By Queer I mean that while I identify as Male under the commonly accepted binary gender associative norm, I often times internalize and externalize a distinct feminine nature in both my emotional sensitivities and my erotic sensibilities, all the while being sexually, intellectually, and emotionally attracted to people not based specifically on gender assignment or expression but rather on the dynamically complex combination of character, charisma, carnality, complexion, and cordiality.

Yes, I really do use that much alliteration on my profile.  And yes, some of you may find me on there.  Reach out if you do!  I’ll gladly discuss anything on my mind or answer any questions.  I’ll do the same here as well.  I welcome all comments, although I do reserve the right to not approve anything negative, insulting, or derogatory.

I also recognize that the spectrum of human sexuality is far too diverse to be properly labelled even under such a tightly bound nomenclature.  There are people who are Genderqueer, Hermaphroditic, Asexual, Pansexual, and Sapiosexual.  I am sure there are even more terms and labels with which I am unfamiliar.  I am simply not well versed enough in those categorizations to offer reasonable explanations on them at this time.

But to be kitschy, I’m here and I’m Queer.


Stay SINful, friends.

2 responses

  1. Pingback: Why I Came Out « AbSINthePassion

  2. Pingback: Bisexual: Breaking Binary Barriers « AbSINthePassion

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s