30 Days of Truth, Day 04 : Something you have to forgive someone for.
Welcome again to the 30 Days of Truth series. This one will be particularly difficult for me, so grab something secure and hang on tight.
Something you have to forgive someone for:
I like to think of myself as a very forgiving person. Sure, I’ve had my share of negative experiences. I’ve had friends had friends do terribly hurtful, stupid things that caused irreparable rifts. I’ve had girlfriends rip my heart out and throw it in the blender before flushing it down the toilet. I’ve had family members demonstrate quite clearly that my worth was far inferior to other family members. For the most part I have found ways to move past these instances. I remember, but I try not to let them hurt me anymore.
Which does beg the question, should forgetfulness be coupled with forgiveness? If I forgive my high school friend A for encouraging my girlfriend to cheat on me with him prior to her and I breaking up, after which she started dating him, should I forget that it happened? I can remember it without pain now, which means in some way I’ve moved past it and hopefully learned from it — in a similar situation now there would be a much more open, frank discussion among all three of us that could have prevented much of the pain all around — but should I forget that chain of events entirely to be able to have truly moved past it? I’ve always wondered about that, and never really found an answer that fully satisfies me. I think much of those intricacies is dependent upon the situation.
Regardless, there is one slight, one hurt, for which I still need to find a way to forgive those involved. I’ve been working on it for some time, and I admit that much of the problem lies in my own stubbornness, and in my fear of being hurt again. The oft-used is cliche is that nobody can hurt you like the ones you love, right? So… how do I forgive my own parents?
How do I forgive my parents for not giving me the kind of emotional instruction to enable me to operate properly in the adult world? Why did I have to wait until I found Mrs. AbsinthePassion for me to be given an education in emotional intelligence and proper communication of those emotions? How do I forgive my parents for not instilling a sense of trust and openness in them, so that when I felt or learned things counter to “their ways” I didn’t feel I could come to them about it? I had to hide my non-Christianity and my sexual orientation from my parents for years. I wasn’t free to be me.
Worst, though, is knowing that someway, despite knowing I can forgive my parents for being stuck in their ways and their “Working for the Lord” coloring their world view and attitudes, is that I have to find a way to forgive them for something that will affect my home life for the next several years to come. Maybe forever, depending on how things turn out.
I left an emotionally abusive marriage — leaving my 2 young blood-children with their mother in the process — and my parents (in my view) were not willing to listen to what I was telling them about how I felt and what I had endured with my ex-wife. I felt like I was beating my head against a concrete wall in trying to get them to understand everything with which I was dealing. Repeatedly I was rebuffed. Time and time again I was told I needed to do things that were emotionally unhealthy for me “for the good of the children.”
Nevermind I was recovering from debilitating depression. Nevermind the ex — at my parent’s initial suggestion — to this day refuses to let me see my BlutKinder without either she or her mother “supervising” me. My parents gave their support to the woman who broke my spirit, and helped provide the ammo to ensure the judge agreed with me needing to be supervised.
Some day I will forgive my parents. I am sure in their minds they were doing what they felt best. I just don’t know how to get there yet.
Stay SINful, friends.