An Absinthe-Loving, Polyamorous, Kinky, Sex-Positive Couple talk about all things Sex, Kink, and LGBTQ.

Being Kinky Parents

Mrs. AbsinthePassion and I are far from a Vanilla couple.  Even by many Swinger standards we sit outside the accepted norms.   She’s straight-ish, while I’m Bi (more properly, Queer, which is a whole discussion unto itself.)  We’re Polyamorous.  And we’re active in the BDSM lifestyle;  she’s been going to Fetish Circuit for years on end and is a VERY good Domme, I’m still learning but make a good Switch so far.  We both have profiles on FetLife, where I have 147 fetishes listed as being into in one manner or another and an additional 14 about which I am curious.  We have a good variety of impact and bondage toys in the house, with a good focus on whips, crops, paddles, and cat-o-nine tails.  It’s a curious thing, as the exposure in the BDSM Lifestyle can, at times, make basic swinging seem, well, Vanilla.

Between looking for a boyfriend, looking for swing play, and the BDSM exploration on top of our very active sex life anyway, we are often stuck with one very serious, sobering question.  “How do we deal with the kids?”

Mrs. AP and I are both very sex positive.  We tell the 14 year old Genius Child that, when it comes time for him to start exploring things, we want him to be safe and responsible.  We have had several talks on proper safety procedures, proper emotional preparedness, etc.  While we know he’s intelligent enough to understand health risks and pregnancy scares, we’re not entirely certain his emotional intelligence is quite at the level yet to grasp things.  Nevertheless, we keep the lines of communication very open, and encourage him to come to us with any questions or concerns.  Usually this means he talks to me, as “talking to Mom” just makes him uncomfortable.  As a former teenage male, I understand, and I take great honor in being close enough to him after only 2 years in his life that he will discuss his concerns with me.

Then there are the 2 younger ones; Princess and Tank.

Princess is almost 7, Tank nearly 6.  They were born 11 months apart, and are practically twins.  They play together, often bathe together (of their own choice) and each have trouble sleeping unless the other is near.  As they get older, we can see some of the understanding of the differences between sexed creeping in.  Princess recently commented that both her brothers “have weenies.”  We took her comment in stride, and said that yes, boys do, and that’s only one of the ways in which boys and girls are different.  She nodded sagely and went to go play.  It’s remarkable how much they understand as children, really.

This was expressed most clearly just a couple months ago.  Princess walked into our room and asked “Mommy, how come 3 people don’t sleep in your bed anymore?”.  See, ever since she was very young, Princess has known Mrs. AP to have 2 men in her bed most of the time, whether it was Princess’ father and Mrs. AP now-ex, or the now-ex and me.  3 has been the magic number most of the time, and for Princess this just seemed normal.

I bring this up because I’m sure other Kinky Parents out there will relate.  Our children see more than we credit them, and they understand, at some level, everything we display for them.  Mrs. AP and I keep this in mind, even if subconsciously, all the time.  We show affection for each other in front of the children.  We tell each other, and the children, “I love you” frequently.  We answer all questions about love and dating and bodies in age-appropriate manners, but we never shy away from the truth.

Our children don’t need to know that sometimes Mommy likes to have her hair pulled, or to be choked a little.  They don’t need to know that Mommy knows how to work a crop just right to draw blood, or not, as she chooses.  They don’t need to know about partners, or multiple partners, beyond whomever eventually becomes a permanent romantic fixture in our lives.

What our children will see, however, is love.  That we will never hide from them.

 

Stay SINful, friends.

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One response

  1. I can sooooo relate to this post. SM and I are very affectionate and open with the kids, but there are parts of our lives they’d onto need to see. Just a few minutes ago, my oldest (Man Child – 13) was trying to read your blog over my shoulder. A quick lecture on privacy cured his curiosity, but it is only a matter of time.

    TTFN
    Mr. No Name

    April 18, 2012 at 8:10 pm

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