30 Days of Truth, Day 03 : Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Continuing in the 30 Days of Truth series.
Something you have to forgive yourself for:
One of the most complex intricacies of being human is our ability to forgive, to take something that has been painful or even detrimental and to grant pardon to the person who inflicted the injustice. But what do we do when the attacker and the victim are the same person? How do we pardon ourselves? How do take an action — or years of actions — that caused ourselves harm, repent of that action, and allow it to bother us no longer? How do we shed that baggage?
I have struggled with personal forgiveness and the process involved with letting things go for years. I don’t seem to have as much difficulty forgiving others. Within myself, however, things sit and stew and ferment. The twist and roil and embed themselves within my psyche until they become integrated unto my personhood. Learning to separate my actions from my selfhood has been a difficult undertaking, but one I am embracing with increasing fervor.
As such, the one thing — the biggest thing — I have to forgive myself for is not having the courage to stand up to my ex-wife before we got married, for not having the strength to address the issues I knew we had at the time, and for not having the confidence to believe I was worth having my own needs met in that relationship. I have to forgive myself for all the heartbreak I brought upon myself during those years of marriage. I have to accept it, learn from it, roll with it, and move on.
Mrs. AbsinthePassion has been outstanding in helping me. She supports me, she nurtures me, and she encourages me to look inside myself, separate who I am from what I’ve done, and to become a better, more healthy me. She is beyond wonderful, and I could not ask nor never need seek a better partner or wife. She is the best person I’ve ever had the honor or privilege to meet.
With her help, I will forgive myself. I’m getting close already, I really am, and I’m getting better every day.
Stay SINful, friends.